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Ensconsed inside my cubicle
beneath the false florescent light
eyes strained from flickering monitor
I glance at the clock's hands
then stare

The sweep hand at last passes twelve
as the short one lands on five.
I rise and stretch then join
the exodus
from sterility

Elevator to the parking level
somebody farts
an unwelcome sharing
from one uncaring

Garage air swirls as doors slide open
and riders explode toward their cars.
Like them, I mount my chariot
while dreaming of pure cold pristine stars.

Mind numbs to deal with urban traffic
then slowly thaws in the suburbs
with their green lawns and front yard trees
beneath billboard shadows sporting blurbs.

Then finally comes the countryside
and its random sensory feasts
where tranquility, for me, abides
and everything I love resides.

I slow to savor the last mile
through aging woods split by a stream.
Then after a brief pleasant while
the forest opens like a waking dream.

Where my happy home at last appears
at the beginning of a mild decline
that place where I've shared joys and fears.
It might be modest but it's mine.

I stop on gravel driveway's parking space
having left behind my working life
then think that with a bit of grace
I'll retire, then stay here with my wife.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I used the morphing form of poetry which I've been developing in order to show that in pastoral poetry both urban and country settings can work.
Editing stage: 

Comments

The urban setting was necessary to allow us to appreciate the little house in the woods.
I think the two settings are easily equal parts of a pastoral.

Now, you know I can't leave without commenting on the rhythm (meter). I didn't much care for it throughout. There were moments, but mostly it was rougher than what I expect from you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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and the change from free verse to rhyming which is meant to parallel the change in mood and scenery.Hence the variation in rhythm should be expected. But even this should be gradual from very rough at the beginning to fairly smooth at the end.
Perhaps i Should have done this either all rhyme or all free verse. Indeed I started out to do all free verse until I realized how easily this could be written in morphing form which should add impact. Then I did so due to lack of will power lol.
I'll leave this as is for now. Often readers can learn as much by mistakes as they can from something with few imperfections so this should teach a Lot lol........and you are right in that urban as well as country settings parts of this should be considered pastoral. For once this was done on purpose in order to clarify that although most pastoral poetry is set in the country it doesn't have to be.....stan

author comment

Thanks for walking, stalking and driving with you from your work place to your home...sharing vistas as too the rancid smell you mentioned while in the elevator..

i wonder why you broke your own rules of not giving it a title from the list...one of which i remember has a 'burban in it which fits this pastoral like a glove...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

that their poems Had to have a title taken from the list although in hindsight I now see how this could happen. I actually provided the list in an attempt to be helpful in getting started on a poem.
As to the poem, thank goodness it Doesn't describe my real job. A cubicle job would quickly drive me crazier lol

author comment

Don't know why I always thought the morph is more effective when you change from rhyming to free and when you start with the structured rhyming and end with the free verse, or at least what I have noticed, but guess it all depends on how abruption you want the reader to feel. I think you did well in transfering the reader here to a more peaceful mind status.

Creative as always.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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thing about morphing form is it can begin as almost any form and end in almost any other form according to what is most suitable to the poem.But this isn't a shop about morphing lol. So I'm pleased that according to the way we defined pastoral in the shop you find this poem successful........stan

author comment
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