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Beyond All Loss

Submitted by Lavender on Wed, 2023-10-04 22:33

This moment is not born for carefree thought,
its labor, once of bliss, was all for naught.
Pray tell, my broken heart, the wretched why
in my hour of mourning, I shall not cry?

Call the children indoors from cheerful play,
banish all sounds of laughter from this day.
Deny all logic, hurl away sweet peace,
this suffering demands all joy to cease.

Recoil today's luminous break of dawn,
shut the open windows, have curtains drawn.
Dim the rude lights, pull blankets from the bins -
night air cuts deep, harsh evenfall begins.

I am now fractured and laden with grief,
My Love, death has stolen you, like a thief.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
A sonnet about the loss of love...
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Shelby Pryor

Wed, 2023-10-04 22:42

Shelby Pryor's picture

This is heart-wrenching, but beautiful. I can't think of a single thing I would change. Great work!

Lavender

Thu, 2023-10-05 12:26

Lavender's picture
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Someone dear to me recently experienced an abrupt and overwhelming loss within just a few hours of the day. This is the way it felt to me.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.
L

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RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-10-05 12:57

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But heart wrenching....the loss of love is indescribable...well done

~RoseBlack~

Lavender

Thu, 2023-10-05 13:31

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Sometimes a person may need to shut down for just a bit to completely grasp the reality.
Thank you for reading!
L

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RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-10-05 14:16

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My thoughts are with whomever is going through this right now.

~RoseBlack~

Lavender

Thu, 2023-10-05 15:05

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so very much.
L

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Candlewitch

Fri, 2023-10-06 15:50

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wow! my favorite lines: the whole poem. it was like a smack in the head. really intense, but artfully crafted.

my hopes and thoughts are with the bereaved... Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Lavender

Fri, 2023-10-06 20:57

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I am always touched by your kind comments.
Thank you,
L

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Ruby Lord

Sat, 2023-10-07 06:13

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Hi Lavender, your poem has a Shakespearen style. As I read it again I was struck by the depth of the poem and how it grew deeper and I could visualise every word in moments of grief I have experienced in the past.
Your last two lines;
I am now fractured and laden with grief,
My Love, death has stolen you, like a thief.
Really hit home, hard.
Well done, Ruby :) xxx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Lavender

Sun, 2023-10-08 13:45

Lavender's picture
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Sometimes there is a period of horrible shock in fresh grief. Thank you for reading and commenting.
I appreciate you!
L

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paleoray

Sat, 2023-10-07 19:50

paleoray's picture

Such a beautifully written sonnet. It is filled with such heart wrenching grief and despair. You describe the sudden state of shock of losing a loved one so well in your poem. Your third stanza is my very favorite as it relays the strong emotion of withdrawal felt during a state of trauma. Such a well written piece. Bravo. May I express my sincere condolences to you and your friend for your loss. Peace and comfort I wish for you both.

Lavender

Sun, 2023-10-08 13:48

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Thank you for your very kind words.
L

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