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BETRAYAL OF A DIARIST

Somebody's diary,
discovered in jumble sale,
tells brief anguish tale,
girl search for grail,
friendship acceptance love,
intelligent tenderness,
absence of betrayal.

Love of new friend,
lesbian from beginning to end,
film makers decide expunge,
marketers say is grunge,
too commercial to defend,
advertisers will unfriend,
relationship confounding unread women men,
problematic for school regimen.

Story of sixteen year old,
hormone onset head cold,
relevant to generations told,
familiarisation removing stigma bold,
revealing expanding gender mould,
if story developed authentic gold.

Friend dresses black,
never looks back,
plays guitar makes big noise,
clashes back street boys,
police hospital shrink mobilise their toys,
roomed with involuntary admitted diarist,
both quick lose shyness,
authorities puzzled gaping,
soon impulsively escaping,
hand in hand hearts racing.

Street encounters follow,
numerous brief risky hollow,
hustlers father D.J. police involved,
emotions relationships are the things to solve,
plot development,
big impediment,
making ending vacuous irrelevant.

Personal history,
formal schooling,
musical mentoring,
trajectory to life on street,
details incomplete,
character under opaque sheet,
shallow vicarious pleasure,
betraying contemporary human drama treasure.

Dissatisfaction with movie,
viewer critique moody,
analysis questions arise,
too many artistic lies,
diary so brief,
difficult movie makers story complete,
without add interpret embellish,
silly creative relish,
diary so well written,
decision makers smitten,
what compelled try,
diarist fake,
story cake baked,
diarist real life unwell,
writing therapy,
doesn't want to acknowledge,
be reminded,
discarding diary kindest.

All intellectual property rights reserved.
Intelligent articulate rational comment welcome.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

It is a strong rhythmic story.
I finished reading it and feel sorry.
I want your poem to keep going,
life to be fair
and people warmer.
Good luck to you, dear poet.

IRiz

Thank you for your comment. It is a sensitive story and should be told with sensitivity and respect. A number of questions arise about how the situation came about. Who knows the truth ? Lunge for an immature audience and easy / quick dollars seem to be at play ?

author comment

Is this a review of a movie or your own cinema like story? It has a good progression from beginning to end. I love the rhymes. Very playful, while moving the story along meaningfully, creatively. Besides the drama in the story, is the betrayal of the diarist also that WE are reading their discarded diary? betrayal sometimes meaning exposing someone?

Thank you for your comments. It is great to know someone is attending to the ideas in the poem rather than focussing exclusively on the technical expertise. A raft of sensitive issues are raised by the experience described.

author comment
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