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An Awnings Worth Of...

An Awnings Worth of…

Spit out some lies from an executive
mouth what other use does it have,
you rolled the slave’s dice found six
when there were only two to be had.
Didn’t dare greet it with terse

Run now back to the athematic
temple, find the new guitar stringed,
inhale heartily your funny cigarette,
love her and at last find comfort.
The Yukon river still has time to
run it’s course, attributing a strange
cleanliness of our class to someone
less than you on moral stature.

Nevertheless Never-never land still
has it’s uses, bring back the plaque
of the auburn genius, sew up the last
of his packaging, inside a scribbled
word may suffice. If not then we’ll
soon have his dead man’s hand in

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
A man off to lose words...
Editing stage: 


Enjoyed your poem, there was one line
I felt could stand some attention.

inhale at last your funny cigarette,
love her and at last find comfort.

My suggestion is to change one
of the "at last" ...

again, enjoyed,


Thank you, glad you enjoyed and thank you for pointing out what's now so obvious. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Obviously the Moonman finds 98% of this poem quite acceptable in spite of the narrative being quite incoherent. Quite how an awning comes into play i don't know but that aside and without spending to much of my precious time I'll point out the obvious. Firstly What has an executives mouth got to do other than lie ? presumably it issues other information, factual, transnational, general requests like "Can I have a coffee" so it does have other uses. To continue The slave's dice - who is this slave and what's he do with dice? No context therefore no meaning. As for the greeting well what did he greet? And quite what is terse engorgement? Who runs back to the anthemic temple ? The presumed executive or the slave? Or us the reader? and so it goes on jumping from sentence to sentence with no reference to what the reader is to attach this narrative to as if you expect him by magic to read your mind until we reach Never- never land which has had no introduction, no reference until the last stanza. And so on and so forth until we reach the end and sigh with relief. Did i understand this, did it make sense, did it have any value as a narrative? No .
The only thing going for it is its length and this where with some focus you can cut it down and add to it making clear your intentions and adding some structure to it. As it is it is a spaghetti of interesting words but no more.

Thank you for your time and comment, i certainly some food for thought. Regards Roscoe

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

I've never seen this phrase before but it obviously has to do with the dice being loaded against the slave. I would think Anybody could deduce as much if even I could lol. Now onward to the tone of your comment. I take it you are an extremely accomplished writer to be so condescending. Perhaps you could supply us with the titles of books and/or titles of poems you have published. Or perhaps you have a huge following of readers either here or elsewhere which gives you the presumtion that your knowledge of poetry is so vast.

I ask this just so you can clarify your commentary and we can better appreciate it..............stan

Use the internet like anyone else would.
ps Do you search for phrases you;ve seen before? Do you prefer them to say something original rather than derivative drivel you may be used to on this site? And as for the slave's dice I'm sure the author can affirm your rather flabby deduction one way or the other. Is that what you meant Roscoe ?

I'm not much on using the internet as my computer skills are pretty limited. And I have no problems with you offering advice as that's what it takes for poets to increase their skills. But you might not be aware that trying to help peole by belittling them usually does not help them. It just builds up resentment against you and speaks badly of yourself. Makes it look like you are trying to build yourself up by bringing others down. I have found that offering another poet an alternative way of conveying what they are trying to say helps much more than simply denegrating their work.
And of course my deduction is flabby. After all I've myself become old and flabby over the years lol........stan PS
If you wish to continue this debate it might be better to do so either through a blog or via PM since it's not right that we should kidnap Roscoe's page

Here's my take: Poetry is first, last, and always, the unique and personal property of the poet. What it may or may not mean to others is insignificant except to publishers and critics. Your poem comes from your soul, and is told by your inner voice in your own way. As such, it is deserving of merit and forever a target of those fools who think that tearing apart another poets work is somehow a testament to their own. Your poem is valuable to those who value poetry for poetry's sake and value those who have the wherewithal to produce it!

Rosco, this is a comment I wrote to Ian:

Ian, you nailed it. Free verse or meter -- it only matters what works for each of us. How we are viewed is a matter of different aesthetic values...I am on 2 different sites--good results on one; poor results on NEO. After 40 years of teaching literature [LATIN CLASSICS TO MODERN WESTERN] nothing else appealed to me but Ovid and Virgil and the French Romantics...and Dante, But that is my personal aesthetic, which doesn't discount all others less than poetic. We need to let go of our ego when we write and when we critique.


Only subjective evasion.

Please let's all just take a step back, Jimm's comments and views must be listened to as long as there is no malice intended. I would like to be the first to extend a hand in friendship, and apologise if we started on the wrong foot. I hope this will be reciprocated, as i believe this site is far to valuable, and should not be theatened by any of us. I for one appreciate the fact that fellow poets take time to read and comment on what i've written, whether that be favourable or not. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Have no problem with clearly exposited meaning and coherent narrative. Often a work is expressionistic, even abstract.

This work stands on it's own and defies classification. It has it's own powerful merit and certainly does fall for the trap of pretentious obscurity or defy meaning and interpretaion.

It is not easily accessible nor does it have any obligation nor any requisite to be.
I dig it. Why not?

I would be miffed is you offered a translation, let us work for what we may garner.

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