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Awakened

Submitted by Lavender on Thu, 2023-02-23 23:18

The fragrance of chocolate
and pumpkin pie rising
somewhere within the sunset,
like new white socks
covering chilly feet resting
on my purple sofa -
these are dreams
these are reality
these are thoughts that fly
from an opened umbrella in my brain
where once they gathered dust
that now sparkles with sweet sounds.
I have met these dreams
in the daylight. I know they are real
because they breathe.
I have held the chocolate on
my tongue and tried to imagine
the world without its benefits,
uninspired, unbelievable, unlived
like an ordinary sunset void
of the spicy scent of pumpkin pie.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Seren

Fri, 2023-02-24 09:30

Dear L

This is that melting chocolate on your tongue the smell of pumpkin in the sunset, I see a orange glowing orb slowing receding into earth, I got all that from your wonder filled poem, it may like seem to you just commen things in your world but you've made them magical, but these lines these are just sigh,

these are thoughts that fly
from an opened umbrella in my brain

I love those two lines for me they are the anchor of this poem, I can't see anything I'd change or edit,

Brilliant job! Brava

love J xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Lavender

Fri, 2023-02-24 09:43

Hi, J!

I have an antique purple sofa that is quirky and makes me smile. I knew eventually it would find itself in a poem. Add new white socks in contrast, and the poem was born. In place of the proverbial light bulb, the idea felt like an umbrella springing open. I'm so glad you read and shared your thoughts.
Much love,
L

author comment

Candlewitch

Fri, 2023-02-24 06:29

dear Lavender,

this poem hits me like a cornucopia of nourishment . such beauty and grace. now you have got to tell me which chocolate you prefer: Milk, Dark or White? lol!
I really liked your intro lines:

The fragrance of chocolate
and pumpkin pie rising
somewhere within the sunset,

*warmest of hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Lavender

Fri, 2023-02-24 09:47

Hello, Cat!

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It was a bit of fun to write! Being vegan, I eat dark chocolate - 88% cacao. :) Bittersweet and bold!
Lxx

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2023-02-24 07:09

Free Verse OK

but for dimwits like me
to follow
can you space the poem
into paras few
Thank you

Lavender

Fri, 2023-02-24 09:49

Hello, Lovedly,

This is such a hodge-podge of thought, I'm not certain it reads well broken up, but I will give your generous suggestion some thought.
Thank you for always helping me!
L

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2023-02-24 12:42