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Another One Bites The Dust!

2023 New Year's Image Prompt

It has been a roller-coaster ride
This Slip stream mounted slide,
Oft' times we must partake and abide.

Out with the olden days,
Let us come out of this haze
with a well turned phrase...

On the appointed hour, raise
your voices and glasses in praise,
As we promise new ways in coming days.

We shall seek each others smiles,
repair to embrace a while
enjoying the others styles.

Let there be lilting mirth,
raise your voices high
on the eve of our rebirth!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Another One Bites The Dust!" presents a hopeful perspective on the transition from one year to the next, using a variety of poetic techniques.

The use of rhyme is consistent throughout the poem, which helps to create a rhythmic flow. However, the rhythm is slightly disrupted in the third stanza with the line "As we promise new ways in coming days." This line has one less syllable than the corresponding lines in the other stanzas, which may disrupt the reader's flow. To maintain the rhythm, consider revising this line to match the syllable count of the other lines.

The imagery in the poem is vivid, particularly in the first stanza with the metaphor of the year as a "roller-coaster ride" and a "Slip stream mounted slide." This effectively conveys the ups and downs of the past year. However, the transition from this metaphor to the more abstract concepts in the second stanza could be smoother. Consider using more concrete imagery throughout the poem to help ground these abstract concepts.

The poem's tone is optimistic and encouraging, which is fitting for a New Year's poem. However, the meaning of the title "Another One Bites The Dust!" is not entirely clear in the context of the poem. This phrase typically has a negative connotation, suggesting defeat or failure, which contrasts with the hopeful tone of the poem. Consider revising the title to more accurately reflect the poem's content and tone.

In terms of language, the poem uses a mix of contemporary and archaic language. Phrases like "Oft' times" and "Out with the olden days" give the poem a classic feel, while phrases like "roller-coaster ride" and "Slip stream mounted slide" are more modern. This contrast in language can be interesting, but it can also create confusion for the reader. Consider choosing one style of language and sticking to it for consistency.

Finally, the poem's message of unity and rebirth is clear and uplifting. The final stanza, in particular, effectively conveys this message with its call to "seek each others smiles" and "enjoying the others styles." This is a strong ending that leaves the reader with a positive impression.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

been a roller-coaster ride this year. We have experienced a multitude of hills and dips.
I found the image of the world riding together, facing the future and the challenges, a great image.
I'm supposing that the well-turned phrase, would be "Happy New Year?" I hope that the new year turns out to be as
happy as you and the rest of us would like. The rhyming of all three lines in each stanza, is not something that I see very often.
You did a good job with it! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

How is it that you "get me" and AI has not a clue? Thank you for lifting my spirits this long day! It is always nice to hear the parts that you liked. Thank you!

*love & hugs, Cat

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author comment

I've always considered New Year celebrations to be counterproductive. I find that it is more a time for reflection on the past year and contemplation of ways to not make the same mistakes. What I take away from your poem is exactly that: a sense of reflection and a promise to do better. It is obvious that AI has no clue what "Another One Bites The Dust" is intended to mean. Many of us have gone through this ritual many times. For good or bad, it is all in the past, so all that is left is learning from it.

Thanx,
Steve

I do not know about all that...I just like drinking champagne in those wonderful matching flutes with the emeralds on the glass. We only take them out at New Years Eve. I think we should use them once a month! (Just kidding!)

*love, Cat

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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

A fan of fancy glasses...water in fancy glasses work just like champagne :)

~RoseBlack~

I know what you mean...fancy glass, frosted or etched is fascinating. The pair we have are Crystal and the emeralds are lovely and clear. They even came with a numbered certificate!

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author comment

Been the most difficult year I think I have ever had and there have been many challenging ones. I am trying to be optimistic as the new year approaches that better things are coming. I really enjoyed the title as this is how I feel about 2023.

~RoseBlack~

this year has been full of challenges... I am glad it is coming to a close, for sure! I hope we both have clean starts next year. So with that said; I wish you a respite from pain of any sort!

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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