There very well should have been a warning sign
outside 2714 Girard Ave North proper, it would be
so germane for every word of my tale, every line
is as true as the colors of the variegated sky.

Living there through four of my growing years
I have the stressful emotional and mental scarring
that accrued with the shedding of many pent up tears
tears of glowering wrath and hopeless piteous pain.

I grew willing
to take a chance
I took your hand,
you led me in
the veiled dance.
Under your influence
I looked deeply into
your eyes, the color
of wood-smoke...
I was hypnotized
knew I would never stray
would always sway
under the influence
of our love...
We became much more
than solitary souls.
mysterious motorcycle
riders of the winds...
We became the roads
traveled, smoking
every winding curve...
knowing we had found home.

Today, I saw boy that looked just like you.
At least how I remember you...

Light brown hair.
Short, straight, spiky...

He had your style
and your smile,
and he smiled at me.

I smiled back politely
but my heart sank
because he wasn't you.

I sat in the parking lot
a few extra seconds
to see him once more.

I know I'll never see him again
just like I'll never see you again.

I see the black in your eyes
And the red in your face
Your teeth grinding
Snarling

All I hear is ringing
From the high pitched screech
Coming from your throat

Fists balled
Shoulders tense.
All the signs
Of a threatened animal

Though I walk in your shadow
I do not fear you.

You are but a tiny ant under my heel
A gnat in my ear.

I wish you’d kissed me
Can I tell you that?

Masochistically
I am pleased that you didn’t.
If you had,
The faint image of your face
wouldn’t mist my eyes
and I wouldn’t long
to longingly stare
up
into those pale blue eyes
Which, like a deep blue sea,
I wish to sail into,
Drifting…
further …
away from land …
with your waves
crashing against me.

A steaming hot soak in the bathtub,
It was party night at my Aunt's.
Permission or not, I was going
Norma wanted to throw a rant...

If anything, Norma was jealous
of Nita's interest in me,
her newest student of the Arcane
many surprises, come to be...

under her saddle a grain of grit
that Norma would never admit
SHE was the chosen, She was the Witch!
stamped up and down throwing a fit...

*

I used to live
To see the moon during the day.

I know it seems silly,
But everyone has something they live for.

Some live for themselves,
Their kids,
Their parents,
Their pets,
Their jobs…

But when you’re so low
That you feel like you have nothing to live for,
You have to find something.

I found mine.

When the sun was high in the sky
And she was right there beside him.
Two lovers destined to be separated forever.
Meeting just for a day…

It was beautiful to me.

writhing and gasping under the weight of two hands, rocking
back "one" forth "two", back "one"
and forth "two"
mama, i need you to know i’m sorry for
who i see looking back at me
i need you to see my own two hands come up grasping and heaving and
rubbing and kneading for breath,
reworking feeling to my red-stained face
only the corners of its eyes stained brown,
a kiss hello and goodbye from each tear to have
streamed down my chin
in cascades or in bursting pipes

I remember how
you were there
when he left.

"I just feel so alone" I cried to you.

"This is the last night you'll spend alone"

You stayed on the phone with me
until I fell asleep that night,
and every night thereafter.

You didn't know it then
and you never will,
but you saved my life.

i.
before acceptance comes anger, comes denial, comes bargaining
before bargaining comes a final breath drawn
nebulae raveling and unraveling in wisps of hues
a cosmic kaleidoscope
a canvas of celestial light, tapestry of eternity and grandeur and unknowns
then comes a vacuum of sound and an absence of breath, the rhythm
of my heart
beating its first muffled drum
i am its solitary witness