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Time Slip

I'm tired but my day won't end,
too much that isn't done.
I started this day yesterday,
laying down
but sleep won't come.
So many things are unattended
but I cannot even move,
the demands won't stop
on the bed I've dropped
maybe my mind will follow soon.

Wake up to a brand new day,
still tired from before,
the phone calls start,
loaded down with sparks,
I am anything but bored.
The rush fires up,
gotta move my butt,
still not ready to go on.
I'm tired as the day begins,
turn around, and this one's gone.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

your feedback is becoming so much more perceptive.

It might not mean what Richard intended, but rember, the poem is yours, once he has given it to you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

This is what we want here, to know that our intended
message or theme has been placed into the readers thoughts.
Thank you so much for your comment.

We are none any better or worse, we all have good days and
bad ones, brilliance and downright stupidity, all part of the human
condition, and the best thing about it is this, we don't stop learning
until we're gone.

author comment

a guy
who had lots to do ,
but kicked the bucket
bit too soon.
Regards Sir and best wishes
you still have to see
another 1000 full moons

loved

only a 1000, hopefully with little resistance.

thanks

author comment

may be more than a thousand perhaps
you are still young

loved

good to see ya back, glad you liked this little slip of mine.

author comment

and done that, so I truly know where you are coming from Richard. I wish you much luck in this frantic life, and the strength to write more of this work. I also wish you long life, so that you might live long enough to enjoy what you have built. Good poem, by the way! ~ Gee

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

thank you sir, and I wish the same for you and yours,
may we all have some less frantic moments and peace
in our hearts.

author comment

is that you lose the meter occasionally.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Yes, it does lose meter in a couple of places,
you should've seen it before I called myself fixing it.
Every since you were talking about meter, I've been
working on it some, and this is the result.

thanks

author comment

So, is today a good day, Richard?

;-)

~A

It is now Anna, it is now !

author comment

It seems the days are either empty and drag or are filled and pass in a wink lol. For self-employed the happy medium is rare i know. This poem is an excellent example of how well near rhyming can work...........stan

Thanks man, near rhyming, that's pretty much the only
kind of rhyme I use, when I use any that is.

author comment

Thanks, appreciate your words here sir.

author comment

That one most describes my days!!! lol. Very good! i like this one a lot!!!

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