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ONE STEP MORE : updated

PUSHING ONE STEP MORE

Now I must rest my weary head
For if I push myself much more
come morning they will find me dead

my brain fevers , i grow cold
I need to lay my body down
or I will soon be 6 feet
in the ground.

my bones ache , my muscles lock.
my brain fevers . I grow cold.
the sickness strikes deep
into my soul.

and so to rest my weary head
lay myself across the bed
close my eyes and look to sleep
for if I push one step more
by morning they’ll carry me
two feet first
out the door.

Editing stage: 

Comments

A few ideas for you:
l-1 Now I must rest my weary head
l-2 for if I push myself much more
l-3 come morning they will find me dead
l-7 trade comma for and
l-8 my brain fevers and I grow cold
just a few alternative in describing the weariness of extended pain..........stan

TERRIFIC. WILL DO. THANKS/

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