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KORROSHUN

Submitted by Esker on Wed, 2011-08-24 13:24

between the hate
between the love
like the dissolved
temporary hearts
melting
in the swallow

these snows
late catching
the grey ghosts
oblique pain wrapped
like a thin chilled
cheater coat

we can be together
as the day falls to night
on old sheets
as a scratched disc
crawls about
thirty three and some
revolutions
we can go around
while snowflakes scratch
the cracked walls

your white teeth taking the
hot ounce of fire from the
glass that sits precarious
atop the clock radio

how your smoke green eyes
lead me like a hazy oasis
our pockets full of freedom
lint and lip balm

the snow falls steady
and the television is talking
about a blizzard

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Wed, 2011-08-31 12:10

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Are you dumbing yourself down?

Yes you are.

Your poetry has lost its transcendent luminousity.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Thu, 2011-09-01 16:42

Esker's picture

they draw more interest then the works sometimes
and thats my whole fun Its comedy Its light
I love my Jokes and Gags show sight comedy
etc all part of the funkshun

author comment

magics02

Fri, 2011-09-02 00:22

Esker

You are a lover of words and you are a photographer of a vision that speaks between your lines.

Great stuff funkshun and all:)

Mona

Esker

Fri, 2011-09-02 12:32

Esker's picture

I have written long drawn out works
but I love the simpler fare the subtle use
and to be honest I dont know as many
words as some I hear people speaking
here in my city and I would give an arm
and eye an ear to be able to articulate with
all their words I love words Poetry
ads graffitti its all about communication
and meaning

and ultimately feeling

Thank You

author comment
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