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Insanity

Submitted by Rhiannon1010 on Thu, 2011-08-25 13:50

Drip, drip, drip,
like a faucet leaking slow,
running through my mind,
like a rabbit in the snow.

Tick, tick, tick,
like a clock that counts the time,
snatching at my focus,
whirling like a dime.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Loreli

Thu, 2011-08-25 21:04

Loreli's picture

I was interested and I was hoping for more!!

Cheers, Lori

weirdelf

Fri, 2011-08-26 07:55

weirdelf's picture
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but needs more to give real content.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Rhiannon1010

Fri, 2011-08-26 15:01

Rhiannon1010's picture

im glad y'all commented. My purpose in making it a short poem was so that you would be left craving more and let it drive u crazy, hence INSANITY

author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2011-08-27 23:24

weirdelf's picture
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The drip drip drip brings to our modern horrid minds waterboarding and chinese water torture.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lou

Sat, 2011-08-27 01:11

lou's picture

I enjoyed this poem, and I can see what you were trying to do but I think it deserves one more stanza.

Was the White rabbit a Lewis Caroll reference ?

Good stuff

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Rhiannon1010

Sun, 2011-08-28 21:21

Rhiannon1010's picture

yes, i love Caroll

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