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A Forest to Treasure

Submitted by Rhiannon1010 on Sat, 2011-08-20 00:17

There are many things in this world to treasure
Like:

The way the sun streams down
To grace the treetops with
Dappled glory.

The feeling of the rough bark
Of a great poplar beneath my
Finger tips.

The heady scent of damp earth
Gently tilled and furrowed by
Silent feet.

The lively gurgle of a brook
As it winds it merry way between
The foliage.

The brisk morning air tingles
Sharp and clear as a mid-winter
Sunbeam.

The innocence of the small
Animals sleeping soundly in
A glade.

A forest is a thing to be treasured.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I won first place in the Joyce Kilmer 75th Anniversary Contest off of this.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

scribbler

Sat, 2011-08-20 12:17

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I thuroughly enjoyed the images you brought to life. Only question , did you mean innocence instead of innocents? Free verse nature poems seem pretty scarce here and I like the form you used where the final line of each stanza was compact..............scribbler

Rhiannon1010

Sat, 2011-08-20 13:09

Rhiannon1010's picture

oopps, another mistake. thank you for pointing it out. i will fix it now

author comment

weirdelf

Sun, 2011-08-28 01:55

weirdelf's picture
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and very nice.

Pastorals usually contain a human or univeral reference.

This is well written but is just another pastoral. Try adding something that relates to humanity.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Rhiannon1010

Sun, 2011-08-28 21:26

Rhiannon1010's picture

Thanks for the comment, though, i don't plan to change anything here,,,i should probably say so... The reason for that is, I won the JOYCE KILMER contest off of this and i'm just looking for feedback. BUT<<< i will keep your words close in my mind for my next Pastoral..

:D

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