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Anna Lee ( An old takeoff with erotic overtones)

Anna Lee

Speak softly breeze of passion's moan
O'er fields fresh plowed in fertile loam
Of musky scent and maiden grown.
Stout was the tree with vigor plied
To rend the valley of earthly pride
And sweet the deaths where passions vied.
Damp the forest so freshly rent;
The seed lies planted with passions spent
And tree once stout now lying bent.
A maid she was, sweet Anna Lee
A rose of love blooms heavenly
Her petals opened - sweet ecstasy.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
That third verse was nagging me as was the fact I misspelled ecstasy.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the rhythm and pace of this one. It adds greatly to the ambience of the piece. Very nice! ~ Gee

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

I enjoyed writing this one way back. Wanted to do a simplified semi-modern takeoff on Annabel Lee, by Poe. It isn't a good takeoff on it, but adequate for what I wanted.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

author comment

I had the thought that it had the flavor of one of the old masters. i didn't remember that Annabel Lee was written by Poe until I went to read the original. I think you did a very adequate job! ~ Gee

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

i am not knowledgeable about the great writes of famous poets...but this one is delicately sensuous for sure...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I tried. LOL

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

author comment

You dirty old man Tree's Petals, I am wondering where is this Gal, I have a tree that needs pruning. LMFAO!
what a beautiful write, you horny old dog. God Bless you that you can still do it, Write and make love. the best of both worlds.
Thanks for sharing
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I'll have you know I am NOT a dirty old man! I'm a sexy senior citizen! LOL Glad you liked it.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

author comment

Poe is one of my favorite poets. You have done well with Anna Lee. It is sweetly and gently erotic. The rhyme and rythem play out very well. I'd love to see what you would do with "The Raven!"

In great appreciation, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I appreciate it. I have tried several times on The Raven, but haven't succeeded yet.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

author comment

that you could write this in a more narrative format.
The scansion works, it reads better.

I have taken the liberty of removing some line breaks.

See how it reads.
Hope this helps.\

Anna Lee

Speak softly breeze Of passion's moan
O'er fields fresh plowed In fertile loam
Of musky scent And maiden grown
Stout was the tree With vigor plied
To rend the valley Of earthly pride
And sweet the deaths Where passions vied
Damp the forest So freshly rent
The seed lies planted With passions spent
And tree once stout Now lying bent
A maid she was Sweet Anna Lee
A rose of love Blooms heavenly
Her petals opened Sweet ecstasy

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I like it a lot. Gracious amigo.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

author comment
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