Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

damaged goods

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2011-06-20 11:56

the cramp the charley horse of life
winds about my soul and merges burdens
there are cold stars lighting my dark side
Dreams work my ideals away and
fallow paths dusted with old thoughts winding
trails of tears this cacaphony
caution is a blasphemy
and a sordid sun plays angles on stone angels

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

CCfire

Mon, 2011-06-27 07:01

CCfire's picture

Am loving the final line of this 'a sordid sun plays angles on stone angels' makes me think of the unkempt loneliness of a graveyard with the warmth of a sun unknown to what is beneath...I am not fond of the beginning line which is awkward to work off the tongue and read aloud but I did enjoy the metaphor to the end.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.