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katie
sixteen isn't pretty
not the way magazines or
i imagined it to be
at her age i was mourning
black like crows
crowding palm trees-
she is too
we both wonder
how a hollow tree feels
when left to stand on its own
no leaf returns
it stretches
no shadows towards
welcoming sun
she writes it out
all the pain
all the parts
she isn't ready to say
my poetry is
like thinly veiled threats
constantly thrown
against my hope
i was once
like her
a furious red welt
swollen
and unready to
let it go
i watch her burn words
but she's not ready for
the finality release brings
it's ok to
still be
finding out
what a daughter means
i'll write her my words
until she finds her own voice
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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[This option has been removed]
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Melbourne, Australia
Favorite Poets
Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, Gibran, Jeffers, Corso, Waldman, Kerouac
Comments
CCfire
Sat, 2011-05-07 20:06
She is not mine Ros, but the
She is not mine Ros, but the eldest daughter of the friend in California I am staying with, I do a lot of people watching :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 19:02
Chez
That the process we all going through, as our parents wait and hope we do find our own voice, sooner better than later.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-05-09 11:34
Dear CC,
Lines in this verse:
black like crows
crowding palm trees-
she is too
wouldn't Oak trees be better than palm trees. I've seen crows in oaks and other large trees but never in a palm tree. This image rubs me wrong.
But the rest of the poem I found to be creative and charming. A great write to a young girl growing fast. My favorite lines:
i was once
like her
a furious red welt
swollen
and unready to
let it go
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
CCfire
Mon, 2011-05-09 14:09
If you are not familiar with
If you are not familiar with So California, the crows in Orange County fly in from the coastal area's each night and nest in the palm trees. So the image is a correct one here.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentEduardo Cruz
Mon, 2011-05-09 20:47
Chez
You are right about the crows in orange county, I just came back to NY after living there for two years. I am return in June to the valley.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
CCfire
Tue, 2011-05-10 13:30
Eddie I watch them from my
Eddie I watch them from my window where I am staying, they fascinate me the way they do that
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2011-05-13 11:51
Dear CC,
I wasn't aware of that fact! It sounds like an amazing thing to witness! Forgive my ignorance.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
vexations10
Mon, 2011-05-09 14:13
Crows
First, I will “crow” over you poem. I like it. Second, crow like the palms in the Carolinas, USA
vexations
CCfire
Tue, 2011-05-10 13:31
Thanks Vex
They seem to be everywhere over here lol
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentRoscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-05-09 23:50
Another,
Another beautiful poem, as we've come to expect from you. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
CCfire
Tue, 2011-05-10 13:29
Thank you Roscoe, that's a lovely thing to say,
It's always inspiring to see a young girl like Katie beginning to blossom with all the drama that goes along with being a teenager :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentCCfire
Tue, 2011-05-10 15:20
She is my friend in
She is my friend in California's daughter, she is growing up with all the angst that comes with it :) Thank you Shirl.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2011-05-10 16:46
hello
We tend to forget how hard being a teen can be. Every place I thought to suggest a change would have lengthened the line. I think your minimalist style would not benefit from this , so I can only say great job..........stan
scribbler
Tue, 2011-05-10 16:48
hello
oops! lol
magics02
Wed, 2011-05-11 00:47
Hey Gal
Katie..this is good and it is just appropriately written about a teen for a teen. Those memories for me go way back and thanks for bringing them to the headlines today.
Great job my friend and are you home now?
Talk soon
Love, Mona
CCfire
Wed, 2011-05-11 12:14
Not home yet Mona, still sightseeing :)
Having a great time here in Cali, the weather is wonderful considering they are telling me back in Melbourne its about 35 so I am not in a hurry :P
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
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