Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

the bit and trod of the savage petunia

pinch of gloss
smidge of sparkle
tongue lubricantly worn
tits tissued
shoes a-bladed
spread cheeks vaselined
rubbers tallied
picture kissed

prelude to a moonlight glow

she is called Kiko
to the tourists
that pay

she is called Lola
L-O-L-A
Lola
to the sailors
that get it

any night at port
every dollar spent
is a story untold

hell...
would you?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

and it's an important one.
So glad to see you posting again.

Narrative and imagery brave and effective. I question the last two lines. It could be said more elegantly or even deleted. Presuming the
"L-O-L-A
Lola"
refers to "The Kinks" song about a transvestite, the reference may be lost to many, perhaps you could infer it in the text?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.