Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

sharpest teeth bite from behind (contest to change perception)

these bees will always scheme
lilting their little lilly lies
labors to favors of the field
A song they still sing

The flowers forever meddling
each and over all together
all reaching over each other
dancing until the next dance

she, a siren blooming, nestled soft
giggles in cherubs chancely glees
a paradise ripe for picking

we grope grasping at the grains of days
that swish the hourglasses infinite whisper
this now Stays Now
our moment forever defutured
newfound and forming
from fantasys' firmed fancies

hand in hand we hold off
hordes of relentless nexts
with pure pugilistic intention
denying them what we all know

seconds stretched and stalled
soonly swept away
in shattered sighs

our paradise plucked

Helios, how his head hung so low
bashfully embarrassed
shuffling back beyond that horizon
casting the day down to rest in peace
with all her forgotten sisters
the infinite never-mores

i forfeited him every last week
and every days' yesters i'd had
i offered my many tomorrows
and begged to keep just this today

he sunk sneaking one last peek
assured the day did sleep
and winked us a tearful goodnight

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 


This is remarkable work, especially in terms of the contest, maybe they feed your serious side of spirit?

I agree with Mark, it could do with a little edit and tidying up.
Do you want specific suggestions?

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

In my old age I can't remember Who this reminds me of but it Does strike a familiar bell. I like the use of bees and flowers . Good luck in contest

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.