Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

flies have no holidays

part clod hop post paseo down lamar
brow knitted down, head tilted
in a swayed gait broad and hard;
mean muggin' it back to the loe motel mile
side steppedby the hardknocked,
the hard ups and crackophiles;
my bruised knuckles being as big badges bueno
plus this plussed demeanor
el resulto mi empleo;
wafts from roach coach breaks this put on fury
which reminds new worries
about this tummy begging 'hurry!';
ambling the quiet lot, card the door an d nudge it in,
aquí está, mi habitación,
de la cheapo Budget inn;
past my plasticked bed and cocina with belly groan
i celebrate my inebreté
atop my agua-throne;
this wet dick, Lysistrata'd, unwaggingly wained
drains in pain unfeigned
(but easily explained! (ahem) );
as buck chuck brau turns butt chunk cloud
induces and produces
such vulgar braps aloud;
makes stench unlike how shit should ever smell,
but what nostrils would fear
and only expect in hell;
this fragrance con brio, this malodorous hue,
born of gringas y frijoles
and Icehouse cans silver-blue,
spurs choked gags and wet heaves past pursed trap
so spreading knees, aser hollo,
then try to shoot the gap;
smattering against the brown star-burst splats
into dirty double rainbows
the last seen before the black...
a whirring whizzing buzz rouses me from slumber
to a black dot sibilation
to which i woudn't number;
holidays, as allaways, do not pertain to flies,
but in my wake they flock as kids
to their Navidad surprise

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
i broke my own 'no rhyimng' rule! some words i just made up like resulto and allaways to make them fit.
Editing stage: 


I loved it... hideous story... made me almost wretch, but that is just proof that you wrote it well to bring on such effect in describing so bloody well. I know just a little Spanish & that was enough & actually liked that some terms didn't actually make sense in the true dictionary sense, but they carried the sentiment really well.

Wouldn't want to go on holiday with you "fool", but think highly of your writing... Well done, really well done.



My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.