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The Crow (eddy styx) updated
The Crow
Lonely pines covered in snow
Tremble under moonlight’s glow
Anticipating high drama
As the wind doth blow
Singular black crow
Perched on branch below
Fluttering feathered wings
Although his movement slow
Taking to grey skies that grow
In solid winter’s throes
No screech of complaint
For gale or frozen woe
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
experimenting with mixing meter
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Thu, 2012-01-26 17:26
hello
The image contrast between black crow and white snow is vivid.In L-8 you might try movement's instead of movement and in next line you use blow a second time which I don't think is what you planned..........stan
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-01-27 11:53
Dear Stan,
Thnak you for the suggestions of which I have employed some...with the "blow problem" I hope it reads better for you now. I appreciate your reading and critiquing!
always, Cat
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China Blue
Thu, 2012-01-26 19:00
Cat
winter cannot "blow"(well yeah it can but that is something else again)lol
somehow the last line came across as being to flipant( it could be me)
for cold and frozen talons perhaps
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-01-27 11:56
Hey Chrys,
I appreciate your input (and winter sucks, lol!) I hope I have fixed those problems with my update.
love, Cat
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When someone reads your work
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And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Thu, 2012-01-26 23:11
back again
I kept thinking this reminded me of something so I looked around and found what it was :
SNOW DUST
The way a crow
shook down on me
the dust of snow
from a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
a change of mood
and changed some part
of a day I had rued.........................Frost
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-01-27 11:58
Dear Stan,
That I could remind you of something Frost wrote is tltally amazing! Thanks :)
always, cat (& eddy)
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When someone reads your work
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WonderGolly
Sat, 2012-01-28 05:33
Amazing,,,,
I read this poem over and over again and it makes so much meaning and ignites my interest to read it again.
>>>The Crow against the Winters throes. Yet it does not complain.
we can positively relate to harshness of nature without necessary having to rebel.
great write. wont forget this one.
respects.
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-01-30 11:15
Dear WonderGolly,
Thank you so very much for reading and sharing weith me your empressions! I appreciate it greatly!
always, Cat
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Nordic cloud
Thu, 2012-02-02 14:50
Something about this one was
Something about this one was too....well toooooo.
Oh just not happy about this one. Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2012-02-02 14:56
Sorry, Ann,
This one was probably just a little to hopeless for your tastes :( but thanks for reading and commenting.
always, eddy (& cat)
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.