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Character building
Back aches and heart break
from sleepless nights
in a Buick, life is a mess
Keeping my head high
telling myself
"I can get through this"
It is simply a test
What should have been
New York strip
and glasses of Champaign
is a bowl of top ramen
and a cup of kool-aid
My pride won’t let
me beg for change
or lean on a friend for a
place to stay
Keep telling myself
"I'm only doing this to have something
to write later in life
This is good material so
fuck my pride."
The undercover potential
of a young man struggling
This broke,tired,sick
angry shit can be quite humbling
Every time I hear
my stomach grumbling
or see the gas light flicker low
I wonder when that undercover potential
of mine is going to finally show.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
All of my poems are written for the first time right here on Neopoet. None of my work is premeditated except from pulling from my past experiences. I appriciate any and all feed-back. Thanks.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Janice Pearce
Tue, 2011-04-26 11:24
readwritelive
I loved this one, except the 5th stanza. Doesn't fit for me :) Keep on writing!
And WELCOME!!
Geezer
Wed, 2011-08-17 19:22
I got it...
you are talking to yourself, like some of the other homeless people do. Hey, never really been homeless, but have much experience with going hungery and hardship. Great job! I am really impressed that you write all this off-the-cuff. Do you save it afterward? ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lou
Wed, 2011-08-17 19:51
Hi
I like the fact that you are spontaneous, it makes it raw and real. The poem has some good stuff but is a little ragged. I to felt stanza five could do with a tweak, especially line two which didn't fit, it is too long. I think it might work better if the stanzas were of a similar length, although if your looking for a conversational style, it works.Overall I liked it a lot.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!