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The leader
Strong words from a broken man.
believe my words and follow these callused hands.
Stand behind me and I will shield you from evil.
This is our ending to create, like a blank canvas on an easel.
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-08-25 03:53
I think it is always worthwhile thinking up a title.
It draws the eye and can even add a layer of meaning to your work. Untitled can also be seen as a form of arrogance.
Love your use of half-rhyme here, non-intrusive.
The poem in its elements seems to have some terrific poetic notions but they seem to contradict and not hang together. Believe and stand behind a broken man? How does the last line connect?
I would like to know your intent here to see if I could help you make it work better.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
readwritelive
Mon, 2011-08-29 14:43
I could not think of a title
I could not think of a title for the life of me. This poem kind of came to me, it raw and un refined, but that's the way I like my work for the most part, I will be working on a title, that may help it come together. Thanks for your input.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2012-05-07 12:49
Hello,
how about: "The shepherd" or just plain "Shepherd" for a title?
always, Cat
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