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Room with the view
I have finished reading a novel.
It doesn't really matter
whether it was short or long,
just strong enough
to root in my conscience
and grow within
like little green tufts
in the snowless winter forest.
It is finished. It is gone.
It feels like a death of a pet.
Reading is too distracting.
Stirring my entire being,
it makes impossible
to come back.
The words of the novel swirl
inside and around my head.
I have lost my boundaries
feeling larger and less dense.
I float
slightly above my mattress.
Yes, I am still in bed
not even admitting
to myself at what hour.
I don't like finishing books.
I am too inert.
I feel like a run away
squeaking wagonette
lost between the worlds.
I am gone and only
long sleeved pajamas left
somewhere far behind me.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Washington DC
Favorite Poets
Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost
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Comments
chevyvent
Fri, 2018-03-16 16:03
Great Poem
my goodness, you left me breathless, what are you doin'? Well, this is a new style however, I already met this kind of work a week ago and I told the guy I can't make any literary comment because i really don't understand what's goin on. And here you are...boy, it seemed I run five miles for this type of work. You call it modern, huh? Again, I'd say yes, yes, OK...no harm done. Hope it would become a friend
Mario Vitale
IRiz
Fri, 2018-03-16 16:20
Hello Mario,
Hello Mario,
I like your comment. It sounds like you are out of breath indeed. What do you mean "you met this kind of work". I wrote the poem in free style.
It slightly rhythmic and has some repetition I used to emphasize my frustrations.
Thank you for reading and commenting, best wishes Irene.
IRiz
author commentchevyvent
Sat, 2018-03-17 14:07
Excellent poem
I met this kind of work in my writings I have written since the fall of 1989 after the break up with my girlfriend Michele. This piece is true and dearest to my heart.
Mario Vitale
raj
Sat, 2018-03-17 14:33
Hi Friend IRiz
If the first stanza captivated my mind...rest of the verses are vivid enough to create for me as a reader how compelling and mind blowing could be the view from your mind's vintage point. I am tempted to almlost believe that it may not be a novel but a real time novel story the effect of which you have endeavored to create in these poetical verses...it was pretty spell binding with the choice of similes and words...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Sat, 2018-03-17 15:58
Ha, dear Raj,
Ha, dear Raj,
books often have strong impact on me as if they are real.
Maybe simply i am lucky to live uneventful life.
IRiz
author commentraj
Sun, 2018-03-18 00:04
Wishing you an uneventful
Wishing you an uneventful life continuum. Of course there may always be good welcome events in your life.
.......................
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Sun, 2018-03-18 00:15
Sure, thank you very much
Sure, thank you very much
IRiz
author commentIRiz
Sat, 2018-03-17 16:13
''
''
IRiz
author commentlovedly
Sun, 2018-03-18 03:52
as a ruski
all will exonerate thee
for a minor typo only
matrass.
perhaps you meant
''mattress''
if not
don't ask me to google !
I'll only be blowing
my ignorance bugle
lol
IRiz
Sun, 2018-03-18 08:23
No, it is my turn now
No, it is my turn now
to blow MY ignorance bugle
IRiz
author commentSparrow
Sun, 2018-03-18 05:16
Irene
A simple flow of words to display your feelings after completing a novel. A loss in some respects where you have to leave a situation and re-join the world.
Must have been a great read, as with Loved he picked up your "Mattress" but I seem to have got away in your Wagonette, just slight spells that have no change in an excellent write.
Take care and keep writing,
Yours as always Ian..x
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
IRiz
Sun, 2018-03-18 08:26
Dear Yan,
Dear Yan,
Hello, thank you for reading my poem.
Yes it was one of those days when finished novel created a vacuum in my time zone.
IRiz
author commentSparrow
Sun, 2018-03-18 20:31
Irene
Ying or Yan I am neither,
I is just an Ian,
Silent thoughts kept to myself
Drifts of others passing through,
Thoughts of many things cascade
There in the noise I find solace.
To be among friends
To talk to others
To be
Just me.
Yours as always Ian.T xx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
IRiz
Sun, 2018-03-18 23:58
Ian, sorry.
Ian, sorry.
In Russian your name is prononced as Yan,
I misspell sometimes words that I take from Russian to English. For example mattess or wagonette. Lol. Sorry that I put your name in such a weird company of words.
Also when I am tired I show some dislexic typos. So I appreciate very much how gently you corrected me.
Best wishes in the following week.
Sincerely yours Irene
IRiz
author commentSparrow
Mon, 2018-03-19 04:46
Irene
On such a small thing there is no need to say sorry, it's that Russ ian influence again lol.
You take care and not to worry about such things, I have been called some things on Neopoet but cant mention, as it is wrong side of the watershed lol.
Lovely to hear from you anyway,
Yours as always Ian.xx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
IRiz
Mon, 2018-03-19 09:32
I ment to ask what Yenti
I ment to ask what Yenti means?
I can't believe you were called names.
Neopoet feels very much like a benign environment. But I think I am lucky in general with social media, somehow I even avoided spam. In three years on Google plus, with over fifty thousand followers on my collection of drawings I was called once a name and only once I received a comment with a very improper photo. To tell you the truth I was not shoked, thinking that I am lucky to have it so rarely.
Anyway, this week I have to work in the lab so I am texting instead of jumping in the car and starting the week. Best, I.
IRiz
author commentSparrow
Mon, 2018-03-19 19:28
Irene
Yenti is the phonetic Ian.T if you say it fast it sounds like Yenti, There is a very small group of Aborigines in Aussie and to them it means Swamp.
In old Jewish it means Gossip so take your pick lol,
Now you must put your studies first they are the most important things for you at this moment, and from what I know of you, you will pass with flying colours.
The Children I know go to lessons and they have different coloured flags to show how they are progressing, then they have a parade every so often and it is just a mass of colour, not withstanding that they talk with colour sometimes.
This will do you need some peace, and not me keeping on ,
Take care and know we will watch over your ways,
Yours Ian, and the Children. xx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
lovedly
Sun, 2018-03-18 07:01
Wagonette,
Wagoner did u mean Ian
let in some poetic slang
it's freestyle man
IRiz
Sun, 2018-03-18 08:28
Wagonette is it.
Wagonette is it.
IRiz
author commentSparrow
Sun, 2018-03-18 20:34
Irene
Loved is obviously on the Wagon lol.
Yep the spelling of Wagonette is good.
It is an old type of transport with bench seats
Drawn by usually one horse
A church goers bus of long ago
Maybe the Amish still use them ???
Take care and know I care, Yours Ian..xx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Eumolpus
Sun, 2018-03-18 22:30
a good read
for those who like to read. Many times have I really taken my time when in the hands of a great novelist, milked it to the end. You have well described it.
The title threw me off, as the name of a famous book by Forester but much more the famous movie based on the book which I think won awards..The theme of the book and poem have nothing in common, but I might consider changing it..
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
IRiz
Sun, 2018-03-18 23:50
Hello Eumolpus,
Hello Eumolpus,
That was a novel I read. Lol.
Plus the novel is about a young girl's escape from conventional path, about her need for a room with a view, need to escape the nighted army of those who dimmed their feelings and blindly follows rules. The book i read was like a view and when I finished reading it I felt as if the view was taken away.
IRiz
author commentEumolpus
Mon, 2018-03-19 13:30
I understand the relationship
I think i would like to revisit this book and movie.
You might offer a small hor d'oeuvre of that in the poem to connect the title to the experience of reading theme in the poem, the joy of a good romantic tale, a good "boy meets girl/looses boy/gets boy" story. just a thought.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
IRiz
Mon, 2018-03-19 14:26
U are right .
U are right .
Too much explaining means I need to open it up in the poem.
The novel is well written, I love the language, however the characters a bit too schematic.
Hitchcock build a lot on it.
IRiz
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