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Zombified...

Submitted by Geezer on Sun, 2012-11-18 08:45

There’s a gaping hole in my chest
where you tore my heart from me
You took the parts that were the best
left my mind in misery

I’ve been zombified

As I walk amongst the living
no soul left to me
It’s no breath of life you’re giving
I’m not ever free

I’ve been zombified

And the music that you play
keeps me chained to you
While you pipe away the day
there’s nothing I can do

I’ve been zombified

The rhythm and the pace
make me walk the way I do
See the smile upon my face
watch it shine for only you

I’ve been zombified

So, play your facinating score
my mind forever occupied
There’s nothing I want more
ever since my true love died

Keep me zombified

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Sun, 2012-11-18 09:38

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Good title. It fits the piece. I liked the rhythm, it flows well. Dark content, which I love ;) Best lines, IMHO:

So, play your facinating score
my mind forever occupied
There’s nothing I want more
ever since my true love died

Keep me zombified

always, Cat (& eddy)

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Geezer

Mon, 2012-11-19 07:35

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came about from listening to one of my fares tell another how hard it has been for her to go on after her husband died recently. She was telling about how they used to watch all the zombie movies and programs on t.v. They would get all their snacks and things together and spend the night watching zombies. Now she watches them alone. She says that it is a way to feel close to her husband. He would hold her close to him while the eerie music played and she felt so safe and secure.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

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Candlewitch

Tue, 2012-11-20 11:11

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What a lovely story of inspiration! Thank you for sharing it with me.

love, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

zjeakin

Sun, 2012-11-18 21:58

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Great write, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

Geezer

Mon, 2012-11-19 07:37

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I appreciate that you took the time to tell me. ~ Geezer

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

judyanne

Mon, 2012-11-19 05:39

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great rhythm,
and the meter transitions worked well in the context of zombi-ism

but the shortness of the lines made me read it fast, when zombies are slow... i think i would have used longer lines

i like the repeating line
and that did tend to slow the write - so it made up for it lol

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Geezer

Mon, 2012-11-19 07:42

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I might look at lengthing the lines to make it slower and a more zombie-like pace. I think I will let it simmer for awhile. Love ya, ~ Gee

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

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Seren

Thu, 2012-11-29 07:13

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Wow this one feels so different from your normal write, its very boody good

Bravo

love and higgliest bugs JC x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Fri, 2012-11-30 22:39

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to write from the heart; the inside of my thoughts when I write about true life experiences. Occasionally I have the good fortune to write something like this. Thanks for liking this one. ~ love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

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