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who i am

Submitted by hippiemoon on Sat, 2024-01-13 13:29

who do you want me to be?
tell me and i’ll become her.
clingy,
detached,
reassuring,
i can play it all.
i’ll read from my script
merely a puppet pulled by your strings.
i’m afraid of rejection,
have you figured that out yet?
i’ll play my part
to keep you along
until i hold the upper hand.
i want you to want me
unless i decide i no longer want you.
who am i really?
that’s for me to know.
for you, i’m whoever you want.
unhealthy, yes, but who the fuck cares?
at least i am loved
for now.
at least i feel like i have “my person.”
i don’t know who i am.
do i exist solely to gain your attention?
i would say affection, but i no longer need that much.
i want to be free
and i want to be loved.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2024-01-16 00:45

Geezer's picture
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I have no concerns about the piece of work, other than the use of all lower-case letters. The idea is not a new one, but you have made it seem so. Nice job of internal conversation. ~ Geezer.
.

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hippiemoon

Tue, 2024-01-16 13:22

hippiemoon's picture

Thank you! I wrote this poem late at night and wasn’t thinking to capitalize my words, but I’ll definitely do that moving forward :)

the moon and the stars made us who we are <3

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2024-01-16 07:10

Candlewitch's picture
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I found these lines rather sinister:

i’ll play my part
to keep you along
until i hold the upper hand.

not good, for a healthy relationship... but I like the poem.

*regards, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

hippiemoon

Tue, 2024-01-16 13:24

hippiemoon's picture

Hi, thank you for your comment! I definitely agree that that is not a good mindset for a healthy relationship. This was a poem written out of anger late at night, thankfully not how I act in real life :)

the moon and the stars made us who we are <3

author comment

MermaidMaster

Tue, 2024-01-16 11:44

hello hippiemoon. very nice poem.

<3

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