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When I Win the Lottery

When I Win the Lottery...

I will always remember
that O, money, money, money
but only a tangible thing
That brings one’s wish come true
to buy a nice gift like
a new Mercedes car,
sparkling jewelry diamond
and a big mansion home

O, money, money, money
but only a tangible thing
to give what the heart is asking for
make a world difference
embrace with a gratitude feeling
bring a smile to the joyous face
to make one rich and famous

O, money, money, money
but only a tangible thing
that cannot buy love
because it is the most precious thing
to have and it is irreplaceable
so, spend it wisely
and don't take it for granted

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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "When I Win the Lottery" explores the theme of materialism and the limitations of wealth, a topic that is universally relatable and thought-provoking.

The repetition of the phrase "O, money, money, money, but only a tangible thing" creates a rhythmic pattern that effectively underscores the poem's central theme. It also serves to remind the reader of the transient nature of material possessions.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery. For instance, the line "a new Mercedes car, sparkling jewelry diamond, and a big mansion home" paints a vivid picture of wealth. However, the poem could further explore the sensory details associated with these items to deepen the reader's engagement.

The poem's message about the value of love over material wealth is clear and impactful. However, the phrase "because it is the most precious thing to have and it is unreplaceable" could be rephrased for more poetic impact. For example, using a metaphor or simile to describe love's irreplaceable nature could add a layer of complexity to the poem's message.

The poem's structure could also be refined. The three stanzas are of varying lengths and do not follow a consistent rhyme scheme. Establishing a more consistent structure could enhance the poem's rhythm and flow.

Lastly, the poem's conclusion, "so, spend it wisely and don't take it for granted," effectively reinforces the poem's message. However, it could be rephrased in a more poetic manner to leave a lasting impression on the reader.

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