Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
When I Awoke And Sensed The Nearing Day
When I awoke and sensed the nearing day,
the sun yet sleeping just beyond the moor,
I listened to the darkness slip away
into tiny cracks through the wooden floor.
The silent blue of morning brushed the wall,
and eased the worried shadows of the night,
while outside, I heard colors rise and fall
concealing waning moon with ardent light.
The choir was brilliant, like an angel's song
poised from a trumpet's sweet rejoicing call,
and soon the new day's breath whispered along
in reverence to welcome one and all.
Through eyes half-closed, I felt dawn's pleasant beam,
and wondered, "Is this peacefulness a dream?"
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
A sonnet, written with my daughter.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
Clentin
Fri, 2023-09-01 01:52
Loved the poem, clearly
Loved the poem, clearly expresses how we often see the new day arriving
Lavender
Fri, 2023-09-01 12:48
Hello, Clentin,
It was a still moment, when I first, just barely, opened my eyes. Love that feeling...
Thank you for reading!
L
author commentRuby Lord
Fri, 2023-09-01 10:14
Lovely poem, I enjoyed
Lovely poem, I enjoyed reading it as it has such depth and yet its simplicity gives the poem its grandeur. My only query is about this line.
revealing waning moon and ardent light.
As the sun is coming up I got a little confused. Maybe: discarding waning moon, for ardent light? Only a suggestion. I still think it is lovely. Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Lavender
Fri, 2023-09-01 12:51
Hello, Ruby,
Great catch! I will work on that line to get the definite image I want.
Thank you so much for helping with this!
L
author commentRuby Lord
Fri, 2023-09-01 13:12
Thank you Lavender, it was my
Thank you Lavender, it was my pleasure. Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Geezer
Fri, 2023-09-01 14:07
If it were me...
I would rearrange the fourth line of the first stanza to say: through tiny cracks through the wooden floor.
Otherwise, a very peaceful start to a wonderful day and a great poem. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Fri, 2023-09-01 14:27
Hello, Geezer!
I will gratefully use your suggestion! It sounds and flows much better.
Thanks for your help, as always!
L
author commentpaul Bartoswicz
Fri, 2023-09-01 15:09
A sentiment I feel often
I often wake early in the morning and feel this way as the sun edges up over the mountain in front of my house
Lavender
Fri, 2023-09-01 18:15
Hello, Paul,
It is an intriguing time of day - mysterious and inviting. Oh, my... I imagine the mountains are glorious!
Thank you for reading!
L
author commentTriskelion
Sat, 2023-09-02 11:01
Some really nice lines..
..in this momentary expression. It must feel wonderful to have written it with your daughter. I liked how the darkness slipped away through cracks in the floor.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Lavender
Sat, 2023-09-02 13:04
Hello, Thomas,
The darkness slipping through the floor was almost a spiritual feeling. I know, a bit silly, but true. It was wonderful writing this with my daughter, a memory we've created and one I know I will always treasure.
Thank you for reading!
L
author commentRoseBlack
Sun, 2023-09-03 09:39
This is lovely
I really love the third stanza. I can see the angels lined up and hear their beautiful voices. What a great way to seize the day! I know I have said it before but the gentleness, compassion and elegance of your poems really are like a much needed hug! Well done!
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sun, 2023-09-03 09:49
Hello, Carrie,
I am touched if this gave you any warm feeling, such as a needed hug. I always appreciate the time you take reading and commenting.
Thank you!
Lx
author comment