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At Whaley Bridge

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Mon, 2023-04-10 12:55

I want to move to Whaley Bridge where peace is ocean deep.
I want to sit and stare and stay, let sleeping sorrows seep.

I want to move to Whaley Bridge to watch the flowers grow.
I want to wander down the wharf where holy waters flow.

I want to rest my weary bones beside that old canal.
Read Proust, Rousseau, Stendhal, Moliere,
Flaubert, Balzac, Pascal!

I want to scribe with peaceful pen beneath a shiny star,
perform my rhymes of raw romance at Whaley Reservoir.

I want to spend my twilight years with wife I love and trust,
at Whaley Bridge shed my last tears before I turn to dust.

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

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How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Last few words:

it is such an idyllic place. One day, hopefully, I'll get to go there...

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-04-10 12:55

Neopoet AI

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "At Whaley Bridge" captures a yearning for simplicity and tranquility in life. The author's desire to move to Whaley Bridge is presented as a solution to finding peace and solace in life. The imagery of "ocean deep" and "sleeping sorrows seep" creates a sense of calmness and stillness in the reader's mind.

The poet's desire to watch the flowers grow and wander down the wharf creates a pastoral setting that is idyllic and serene. The reference to holy waters flowing adds a spiritual dimension to the poem, emphasizing the importance of nature and its healing powers.

The final stanza, where the poet expresses a desire to spend their twilight years with their loved one, is poignant and heartfelt. The reference to shedding tears before turning to dust adds a sense of mortality and emphasizes the importance of cherishing one's time on earth.

Overall, the poem is well-structured and flows smoothly. However, the line "perform my rhymes of raw romance" seems out of place and disrupts the peaceful tone of the poem. A suggested line edit could be "write verses of raw romance" to maintain the flow and tone of the poem.

In conclusion, "At Whaley Bridge" is a beautiful poem that captures the desire for simplicity and tranquility in life. The imagery and language used create a serene setting that is both calming and inspiring.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Obadiah Grey

Tue, 2023-04-11 11:11