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The weary whistle of the wind

The wind blows
its weary whistle
warbling
out its song .
Soft solemn
serene and low
filled with the
flittering flurries
of frost and snow .

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like everything about this one, except that [bellowing] doesn't exactly fit the rest of the tone. I think that maybe if you would choose another word, it would be better. Bellowing gives the impression of a bold wind, more like a strong storm. the words preceding and after, [weary, soft, solemn, serene and low are, not words I would associate with a strong word like bellowing.
How about; [crooning] out its' song? Or some other softer word?
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
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I’ve changed it to warbling again thank you for reading my friend

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

I like the choice of warbling! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

The wind blows it's weary whistle bellowing
out its song. (Personification): it stretches the boundaries of reality to make poetry more vivid. It creates a way to accurately and concisely describe concepts and ideas.

I love the theme of the poem. Very apt!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Yes true and also imagery helps immensely to.

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

Simple, direct, powerful. I really like the aliteration, and the imagery (imagery is a big thing, for me!).
The choice of the word 'warbling' is a good one. Better than 'bellowing'.
I cannot see anything I would change.
Now I'm going to have to go back through your other work, because I enjoyed this poem.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

This is an enjoyable poem. I like the brevity and the statement in it – there is an intrinsic flow which I look for in a poem – I cannot explain this but I know it when I see it. The nearest word I have to describe this flow is “spiral”. There is a spirality – it wends its way around a central core. I think of the words like the treads on a spiral staircase.
Since Geezer offered an alternative word for “bellowing” (and I take the point that was made) may I also have a go?
You set up the idea of the “weary” wind so it certainly wasn’t bellowing (nor was it billowing) but was it really “warbling”? Warbling connotes a regular burbling sort of noise whereas “wheezing” fits better with “weary whistle”.
However, “warbling” is arguably better than “wheezing” in terms of the following description of the wind – “soft, solemn, serene and low” which makes me think that the word “weary” is the one that is out of context.
But I would suggest that three “W”s together – weary whistle warbling or weary whistle wheezing –is taking the alliteration too far – it begins to sound too prescriptive.
I went to the dictionary and looked up every word listed in the “W” section to see if I could find a word which might be a substitute for “weary” so as to maintain the alliteration and the poetic rhythm and sibilance inherent in the phrase “weary whistle” but would then harmonise with the description of “soft, solemn, serene and low”
There were very few that seemed to pass muster but I did find one word that answers my comment about three “W”s together and has a poetic resonance and sibilance to it i.e. the word “wassail” so the poem would read “The wind blows its wassail, warbling out its song”.
Unfortunately this word does not fit in with “soft, solemn, serene and low” because a “wassail” is a drunken song sung in reverie at Christmastime. Personally I think it’s a great substitute even if it doesn’t fit with the later part of the poem but I have to live with the comments that I made above and reject it even though I have lodged it in my poetry memory bank to use at a later date.
So I am left with the poem as is – and it’s OK by me. I hope you don’t think I’ve been messing about here. I spent a lot of time thinking about your poem because it has got strength and promise.
Cheers
Will

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