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We dance in the night
I gracefully glide with you
a gift of gorgeosity given to me by god.
Along the misty blue tide as it reveals the moon
that illuminates the sky with its illustrious light.
Which is filled with the wondrous bright color of white.
That calmly cradles the Cold drowsy dark night .
And then we hear a clarinet crooning us towards the soft
yet strong sounding symphony
That Is held within the Marvelous morning colors
The radiant Rambunctious red comes up wearing its bright yellow crown
Around its noble head.
Welcoming the dead towards the luscious land of complete
perfection known as heaven.
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Not Explicit Content
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Virginia, USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe homer Dante Alighieri Oscar Wilde
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Comments
c lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-09-02 17:25
Edward
PLeaseusestnzas it makesm it far easier to read
you may get moe eads that way as well
Chrys
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Edward nigma
Wed, 2020-09-02 18:21
Thank you
Thank you
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2020-09-02 23:17
WE mostly dance horizontally at night daytime we may not might
nice day light poetry
may stanzify minimally
your poetry else wise
is lobollie
Edward nigma
Thu, 2020-09-03 07:01
Thank you
Thank you for your opinion I hope your doing fine
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.
author commentEdward nigma
Thu, 2020-09-03 07:30
My inspiration
https://youtu.be/1uhP-rh9dOo
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2020-09-03 10:58
I'm thinking...
Hey Edward, a nice bit of poetry here, but
you should watch that you don't have too many
descriptive words in the sentence. More is not always better.
1] Such as: wonderous, bright color of white. [Actually, white
is not a color]. You might say: A wonderous, bright white;
and be fine with that.
2] soft, strong these are two opposites that are very hard to
relate to each other. Like saying: a bright, but dim light.
3] Bright and radiant are much the same thing. Too much.
4] Again, too much of a good thing in: bright, young, yellow halo crown.
and nice, noble, heavenly head.
5] you need an [L] in complete.
As I said, a nice bit of poetry, but too many descriptive words.
~ Geezer.
.
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Edward nigma
Thu, 2020-09-03 11:17
I’ll fix it thank you
But can’t something be soft but yet strong at the same time
And white is a color because it wouldn’t exist on a crayon and it is not nothing because that means it is nonexistent which it isn’t because why would we have something that was that has a name and say it is nothing non existent if it has a name it is clearly existing.
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2020-09-03 12:58
Yes...
something can be soft yet strong, but not the way in which you pronounced it. It needs a quantifier. [yet, but,or] My mistake in saying that white is the absence of color. It is the reflection of all the colors. Sorry about that. ~ Geezer.
.
Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.
Edward nigma
Thu, 2020-09-03 17:02
Thank you
Okay I’ll fix it
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.
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