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The Visit
She’d lived all alone ever since her husband passed away,
Her kids were all grown up and had long since moved away…
She kept a bible by her bed which every night she read,
And she took to heart every word she knew that Jesus said…
She lived a simple life, she didn’t need too much,
She had friends who were kind and they always stayed in touch…
Eighty years had passed her by but she still had her health,
She considered that to be her most important wealth
Fresh flowers in a vase that was set upon her table,
Her neighbours helped her whenever they were able…
She liked her tea and biscuits, at the breaking of the day,
Then she listened to the news to see what they had to say…
Her mind began to wander, she’d forgotten dates and times,
She could not recall her children’s names sometimes…
Together they had thought she needed some assistance,
But all of their suggestions were met with fierce resistance…
He came into her room in the middle of the night,
He said, “Don’t you worry every thing will be alright…
You’ve asked me more than once for your soul to keep,”
She smiled and closed her eyes and gently went to sleep…
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-03-22 23:00
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Visit" tells a poignant story of an elderly woman living alone and her encounter with death. The narrative is clear and evokes a sense of loneliness, routine, and eventual peace. The structure of the poem with its consistent rhyme scheme and steady rhythm helps to carry the reader through the story effectively.
One aspect to consider for improvement is the use of clichés and predictable phrases in some parts of the poem. For example, lines like "Her mind began to wander" and "She smiled and closed her eyes" could be revised to bring more originality and freshness to the poem. Additionally, exploring more vivid imagery or sensory details could enhance the emotional impact of the piece and make the reader more deeply connected to the woman's experience.
Furthermore, the transition from the woman's daily life to the arrival of death could be made more seamless. Developing the connection between her routine and the final visit could create a stronger sense of closure and thematic resonance in the poem.
Overall, "The Visit
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Mon, 2024-03-25 21:49
The Visit
Hello, Stevo,
A very warm-hearted poem. Gentle and soothing. Like AI, I feel there should be a little smoother connection with Jesus before the final stanza. He is mentioned very intimately in the beginning. Perhaps some mention or thought referring to him within the middle three stanzas to help usher in the visit?
Thank you!
L