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The View From Here #2

You're probably sitting in a favorite
quiet corner rocking the chair and sipping
your brewed coffee or English Earl Grey
tea while reading the morning headlines.

An energetic mother's standing there
leaning on the kitchen's countertop in an endeavor
to fullfil everyone's gluttony
maybe some toasted peanut butter sandwiches
and a cocktail of seasonal fruits will do?

Meanwhile, The Artist has finished brushing
the already determined day's details
and all the accompanied festivals
of the wee hours that have already shown
and others that yet to surface up as
older are getting the fatigue day hours

I find myself, from my quiet corner thinking,
how could I not appreciate such a view
when things around have a smoothie-like flow.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

to fulfill a gluttonous what? Do you mean; "Fulfill their gluttony?" I don't get the connection between the Artist and the brushing of the days' details of the wee hours already shown of the older fatigue hours. ~ Geezer.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

gluttony is the word or gluttonous appetite.
The Artist is God who determined all the little details

What do you suggest for kitchen's board?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

over what the kitchen's board is. I see now that it is a countertop.
~ Geezer.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

Much thought has gone into this poem , that is obvious . One small question though, 2nd stanza third word in the word"or" is confusing to me is this some terminolgy

"or

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

i hope you dont mind but i have had a go at showing how your poem could sound

i'm not good at explaining so i will show you like this
casserole i have simply changed to coctail. its what we use when we make a fruit salad
i have changed your wording to make it clearer instead of by the kithen board

You're probably sitting in a favorite
quiet corner
rocking the chair and sipping
your brewed coffee or Earl Grey
tea while reading the morning headlines.
A mother just standing there
leaning on the island in an endeavor
to fulfil everyone's gluttony
maybe some toasted peanut butter sandwiches
and a cocktail of seasonal fruits will do?

i have taken one or two words away like english and cup, i hope i have given you some food for thought and please just ignore my advice if it doesnt work for you. i'm a fan! i love the idea of this chapter poem i see what you are doing. excellent i loved the first one too.

Thank you...Teddy

Always appreciate your feedback.
I will sure look into your suggestions and take them into consideration. As you see this is just a draft and i believe there is a always a good way to say sth and a better way to say the same thing.
Improving my poetry is alwaysmy target.
Highly appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

many thanks for the kind comment.
Thank you for the correction too.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Great edit. It's much clearer now, you have brought a new view of what it's like for the world right now in a quite brilliant way

Thank you...Teddy

Many days I feel as if I have blinders on, seeing and thinking about only what directly affects me. Then I learn what other people have gone through in the last 12 or so hours. There are many different views to a 24-hour day. Your final stanza is my favorite, but I confess it somehow feels both sincere and ironic to me. Really enjoyed reading this.
Thank you,
L

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