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Uprooted With The Willow-Tree

It all happened a month or so ago when masons started cutting down a huge willow_ tree on the other side of my residence. It was shocking to know that they're putting down almost the only feature mother nature honesty lent to the place simply to jam the area with more cement structural buildings.
I still think with much grief_of all the birds that have been muted since then.

Alas! For they have to sow the blocks
in place of love, leaves, and fun.
Instead of the spring, the summer and fall,
depriving us the fresh air and the sun
While leaving us heavy blocks to breathe. 
                                                              
For all that once that hid behind,
now gone 'long with the willow-tree;
the smiles, that love, the secrecy  
are left but naked; no privacy;

they left us but a window pane,
for prying eyes to creep and see.
 

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Many thanks for Eumolpus for introducing this form "A Haibun". Hope I've succeeded to take this piece to another level.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Always appreciate your kind input and the thoughtful reading.
Can't promise to stretch the lines in this one as I have said all that I wanted, however I'm working on that to make it a more habitual trend to my poetry.
Thank you so much.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

capitalized (Was)... I couldn't find a better way to highlight it. The advanced form ( where we could bold or italize a word) worked so badly, making irregular spaces between the lines.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

I think we can use this devise anyway we like and it is certainly a way to vary a poem with a narrative.I think yours works. The prose is plainly spoke, in nice contrast to the poem, so they become two different ways of sharing the same sentiment.

I think based on what I understand of your life that the word "spies" will have many meanings, especially politically. If that is the case, that the tree now clears the space for the watchful eyes of overlords, this should either be developed totally in the poem, or left out. The way it is seems to me an afterthought. We are introduced to the tree being missed mostly by the tradition of it being there, and the natural beauty and comfort it brought. Personally I would add that aspect into the poem to connect it to a different type of sorrow when a tree is lost, that of exposing privacy from watchful eyes as it is unique to your reality, not so to many of us living in some sort of relative civility.
But I think you are on to something, and have used this devise so nicely. I think we both would also
benefit greatly by reading Basho and the classical approaches to Haibun, and incorporate it in our work, in respect to the tradition. I'll be looking into it..perhaps a workshop idea?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

thank you Mark. That was really a generous and thoughtful comment.
Honestly I can't claim that I was thinking of spies from a political view. I believe prying/watchful eyes was the word that I needed, and consequently edited to go as intended, but really got some priceless ideas just reading your comment.
Can't thank you enough. Highly appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Rula, you have hit on two of man's failures when writing about the tree. The fact that man cares not for nature is bad, but when you speak of privacy and prying eyes. You highlight just how little we care for each other, but also just how much we like to know what the other guy is doing. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Always great to hear from you. You were spot on with the prying eyes. I don't say that I have hard times with such eyes but curiosity is a human thing and if we give the chance, then some would take the best chance, why not they must be thinking? How true?
Thank you for the time and the kind visit. Highly appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

CEMENTED FORESTS

Today its the order of the day
CEMENT and steel only lay
make BIRDS of CLAY

It would be great if you just link me to the piece.
I would love to read it
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Frost stole nature's heart

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