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Untitled

The world has grey veins.
chest pounds like a busy hammer.
rolling like a rickety vehicle
towards the grave to be no more.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
How well does the imageries communicate the idea? kindly give your suggestions.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Sir Mark,
Thanks very much for your observations. I will always appreciate your guide every time.

Dee

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