Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Time machine

Submitted by Words.unwritten on Wed, 2023-01-18 08:00

If I could build a Time machine
I'm not sure where I'd go
A chance to alter memories
Unmeet people that I know

To unsay words I shouldn't have said
And say ones I wish I had
Rewrite each badly written page
Relive days spent with my dad

Unbreak my broken heart
Undoing all damage done
Erasing all the bad times
And relive all the fun

But I can't build a Time machine
So play cards dealt by fate
I don't need to Time travel
To a specific date

I've learnt that Time is precious
So why go back and waste it
Yes my future is unknown
But I can't wait to taste it

Life itself's a time machine
Wherever my destination
I will live each day content
In its subtle variation.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Year 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2023-01-18 08:51

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I think that adding [ing] to Undo and Erase, would help the tempo just a bit. I like that you have left out words
that do not matter and still keep the meaning of the line. A lesson that I learned early on in my writing and
something I have tried to teach people, but rarely succeed in. You could add a syllable to second to last line in the last stanza. [I will] live each day content. Your rhyme is excellent, and the theme is too. Very well done. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Words.unwritten

Wed, 2023-01-18 08:58

Thank you geezer ...I was also unsure about the ing ... I shall change that because I did originally write it that way ... thanks a lot for your advise ..and comments means a great deal x

author comment

Alex Tanner

Wed, 2023-01-18 08:57

Alex Tanner's picture

How often have we all wanted to do just that, I know i have. Simply, but beautifully put, as poetry should be.Alex

Words.unwritten

Wed, 2023-01-18 09:14

Thank you Alex.. so where would you go given the chance to travel through time?

author comment

Alex Tanner

Wed, 2023-01-18 10:04

Alex Tanner's picture

I would go back only about 14 years to warn of my 4 year old granddaughters brain tumour in the hope there would be time to treat it. She never suffered, she never complained and died soon after her 6th birthday. I have thought of writing about her but the right words, as yet, won't come. Alex

Words.unwritten

Wed, 2023-01-18 11:04

I'm sorry to hear that ... I can't imagine what you went through ... writing about such loss would be difficult and when you're ready if you ever are I'm sure you will honour her with beautiful words x x

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Wed, 2023-01-18 14:05

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
Volunteer badge

I’m a fan and you know that. I can say I agree with you, life is the time machine. Although it doesn’t put me I a position to change the past it sure will let you live there which I don’t recommend. It’s good for a quick visit, or a subtle reminder, beyond that it’s best left behind.

Excellent job,
Tim

Words.unwritten

Wed, 2023-01-18 14:50

Thanks Tim... I think that that's really what it's about ..like I've lived in my past for too long ..or at least let it haunt me ...and now finally my life seems to be going forward ..lots of new things happening and I've realised I can't go back ..and shouldn't because lifes too short ...too little time ..thank you for your support as always x x

author comment

Words.unwritten

Thu, 2023-01-19 08:30

I'm definitely not a pro lol only really started sharing my work recently thank you so much for your lovely comments it means a great deal ... Great to meet you too ..yes ..I'm in the competition with this poem xx
I will check out some of your work ..xx

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-01-19 11:39

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
Volunteer badge

Don’t let her fool you though. The woman can write brilliantly.

Words.unwritten

Thu, 2023-01-19 13:47

Lol ... thanks tim x x

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2023-01-19 10:28

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Wonderfully written in tempo and rhyme. And, yes! to its message. The last two lines are especially inspiring.
Thank you!
L

Words.unwritten

Thu, 2023-01-19 11:37

Thank you xxx

author comment

Rula

Tue, 2023-01-31 02:02

Rula's picture
Volunteer badge

On winning the grand prize. Well merited.
Keep up the good work!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Alex Tanner

Tue, 2023-01-31 05:13

Alex Tanner's picture

A well deserved win, Very well done. Alex

Kristen H.

Tue, 2023-01-31 11:02

Kristen H.'s picture

Congratulations on the win! Well deserved!

Lavender

Tue, 2023-01-31 12:32

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Well done!
L

Geezer

Tue, 2023-01-31 12:56

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

Poem of the Year needs a public congratulation! This was surely the best of our competition. I am sure that you will be an even better competitor in next year's contest. See ya then! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Words.unwritten

Tue, 2023-01-31 14:11

Thanks geezer ...x x x

author comment

Words.unwritten

Tue, 2023-01-31 14:10

Thanks so much everyone ...means a great deal to me ... I joined this group to get my work out there and to see what people think as I've never shared anything before ..I've learnt so much from you all and will definitely continue writing .. x x x

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-01-31 17:28

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
Volunteer badge

I’m on a self imposed hiatus this week with a ton going on but I would be absolutely distraught and remiss if I did not comment. You are a great writer and collaborator. Congratulations on your well deserved win.

Tim

Words.unwritten

Fri, 2023-02-03 04:49

Thanks so much x x x x

author comment

Abby

Thu, 2023-02-02 21:48

Abby's picture

Congratulations on the win, it was well deserved, this is a wonderfully insightful poem.

"To fly is to fall."

Words.unwritten

Fri, 2023-02-03 04:50

Thank you so very much x x

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.