Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.


Before you stand we
the blessed fruits of your womb
before your frigid stillness we stand
With heart heavy, broken and bitter
we stand before you rent cocoon,
crushed carapace of tender warmth
lying in the cold grip of death

Paragon of virtue,
the serpent had struck
tell me what broke the hedge?
Was faith bartered for fear?
Love for hate?
Guileless garments for ignoble robes?
Pain not death was the Evic curse;
why then has the joy of procreation
Brought tears in this stygian harvest of death?

The birds of night
sang with melancholic fervor
the elegiac omen of sorrow day.
Dogs in the dark
foretold in their horrid howls
a nauseating stench of death in the air.
Your sun was setting,
your earth was darkening,
the wind blew
the dry brown leaf falls.

Hark drifting phantom
hark flitting soul
behold your toil and labour
come forth from your sleep.
Your vine soon will ripe
your yard will overflow with wine.
Tarry yet awhile and
drink wine from the vine you
dressed in the cruel generosity of life.

These tears are forever
till I myself
am old and cold like you
coffined clod of clay
lying in death’s prison of freedom eternal.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


Take a moment to read this poem and give me your sincere opinion and comments. i am a budding poet desiring to get better. thanks

author comment

thanks for that. its been helpful. i really appreciate

author comment

thanks for those comments. they've been really helpful

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.