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They...

Submitted by Geezer on Tue, 2013-07-02 11:49

Night scraped it's knees on wet pavement
leaving smears of blood neon-red

Ebony tree arms were reaching out
while the street-lights shone overhead

Darkness lay down on the grass
and covered itself with the dew

The stars peeped out from the sky
where they had lain, hidden with blue

Sounds and colors are muted
A different scene unfolding it seems

The night people are waking from slumber
while day ones are dreaming their dreams

The shine of crayon colored lights
in the mirror of wet roadways and streets

Leaves trails behind in your vision
and the swirls are really so neat

The air is full of odors, new smells
whispers of things that will be

I relish the change into darkness
for it gives comfort to me

Black and blacker the canvas
colored lights brushed garish and bright

Make the scenes I see so delightful
giving new promise to night

Wrapped in the cloth of excitement
I stride quickly into the dark

Killer awaits on the corner
tonight we hunt meat in the park

Ebony shadows will hide us
until we have taken our prey

No one will know who we are
people will just say, it was “They”

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2013-07-02 12:27

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Everything flowed together perfectly!!!! In the beginning, I believed it had something to do with a couple in love, a hint of romance thrown in there and then there was Killer, waiting at the end. He never disappoints me!!! Nevermore is very interested to see what "They" are going to accomplish!!!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Geezer

Tue, 2013-07-02 14:36

Geezer's picture
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this one as a prelude to the meeting of Nevermore and Killer. Then I got caught up in the sights and sounds of the nighttime. Looking back on it, I realized that I had written it in the perspective of Nevermore! It might be fun for you to try and write something of the same and maybe follow the thoughts of Killer as he prepares for his date with Nevermore? Love ya, ~ Gee

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2013-07-02 16:57

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Funny how we think the same....give me some time to form the idea...this should be good :)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

wesley snow

Tue, 2013-07-02 20:39

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Okay, maybe not delightful, but curious?
This is classic Geezer. I am so crowded I don't get around much anymore. Did you ever read Howard the Duck? I was a big fan of Gerber before he crapped out. He ran a daily for a time that I don't have in my collection. The Menemannee Falls Gazette is hard to find and I'm broke any way.
Anyway.
The big bad guy group was "THEY". They ran everything. Presidents, Parliaments, womens social clubs. It was terrifying. And funny of course.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2013-07-02 20:58

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Something I do so well....should be a fun experience

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Geezer

Wed, 2013-07-03 05:30

Geezer's picture
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I'm glad you liked it. Just a little something for Carrie and I to work on together. I'm curious to see how it works out. Carrie is a good writer and I like working with her. it will be fun to see how this turns out.
Thanks for stopping by, ~ Gee

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Wed, 2013-07-03 07:58

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

is in need of a companion, one she won't dispose of in the process. Looks like a quiet day since it is the day before a holiday so I might have a chance to start putting something together! I enjoy working with you as well and think this could be not only fun but a good story combining Neo's notorious serial killers.....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Seren

Sun, 2013-07-07 09:27

Seren's picture

I am really tired tonight the batteries are wearing down, I will come back and read it tomorrow morning with a fresh
perspective what I have read so far has intrigued I look forward to the meeting of yours and carries characters and their coming to life in words

love and higgliest bugs JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Mon, 2013-07-08 20:40

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you came to see what is going on here. Carrie and I have been slowly working toward the next meeting that is about to happen. Our styles are different, but I think that they could compliment each other. I am anxious to see how it turns out. I will look for your comment in the morning. I can always count on you to be a good critic.
Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

Ian.T

Tue, 2013-07-09 03:33

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A killer in waiting seems that we will have to look around the next morning,
I can see a few tasty things turning up in the park later, he could also meet/Meat someone else that is bent on fresh Long Pig tonight.
Yours waiting, Ian.T
PS:- I saw a couple sneaking in there for pleasure, maybe killer could take them both at his leisure LOL

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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