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The Tears That Fall
The Tears That Fall
What's in a tear
as it falls from your eye,
is it liquid emotion
that falls when we cry.
Or maybe a tear is
full of your dreams
that rolls down your face
like little small streams.
You can even say that tears
come from fun
because of your happiness from your eyes it rolls down.
At some point in time
we all would have shed
emotional liquid
that comes from our head.
So let those eyes
cry, no matter the cause,
and let out emotion
from behind
those closed doors.
Que
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Thank you for this opportunity I look forward to your feedback.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-15 20:35
I was happy...
to see you start out as a rhyme; although you wind up as being free verse. Of course, being a rhymer myself for the most part, I had a great time with the first two stanzas. One little criticism is that you use the word falls relatively close together. I would use a word like: [comes] from your eye. I faltered just a bit when you switched to free verse, but after going back to read it a second time, I quickly picked up the rhythm again. I guess maybe because you used a rhyme and then a little near rhyme [that almost has the same sound]? Anyway, I think it would have been better if you had rhymed all the way through. Still very nice poem and welcome to the family. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Que
Wed, 2022-06-15 21:16
Thank you I'm still learning
Thank you I'm still learning the mechanics of writing poetry so I appreciate all the comments which will make me improve
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2022-06-16 06:23
I'm not sure if...
you know how to edit whatever you write, but it's easy. At the top of the page, you left click edit and then your work will appear in the block where you posted it. Make your changes and then scroll down to save and you will have made your correction or edit. You are not obligated to use any advice you are given verbatim, and making improvements with your own ideas, is a good way to understand and of course using advice as given, is free and less taxing on the brain. LoL ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-06-16 06:58
hello,
other words for falls: (streams, trickles, flows, etc.) a good poem just that one rough spot. my favorite lines are:
that comes from our head.
So let those eyes
cry, no matter the cause,
and let out emotion
from behind
those closed doors.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Que
Sun, 2022-06-26 18:49
Hi Candelwitch thank you for
Hi Candelwitch thank you for your observations I appreciate it
author commentRoseBlack
Tue, 2022-06-21 22:19
Hello Que
I really enjoyed your poem. It was a very different and truthful take on the tear, something we all have experienced yet never really looked that closely at. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
~RoseBlack~
Que
Sun, 2022-06-26 18:51
Hello Roseblack it was a
Hello Roseblack it was a pleasure writing it and I'm glad you liked it I hope that my future endeavors can also be enjoyed by you.
Que
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2022-06-22 04:34
dear Que,
on a reread, I found this:
like little small streams. try: (hot little streams) small and little are the same thing.
this is my opinion and you can take of leave my advice, as you like :)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Que
Sun, 2022-06-26 18:53
Dear Candlewitch I welcome
Dear Candlewitch I welcome all your comments that's how I grow .Que
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