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Sweet Maria
Sweet Maria, she's my passion:
jet black eyes and face all ashen.
She lures me with her scarlet lips,
and tempts me with her hourglass hips.
My Maria, she's a stunner.
Beautiful, like Eva Brunner.
Skin as soft as alabaster:
makes my heart beat faster, faster!
Poor Maria, told me, shedding
tears, that there would be no wedding.
Apparently, she loves another:
my, brainless, obtuse, older brother!
Sweet Maria's still so lovely,
but I can't live if she won't have me!
Hell, what does she see in him?
He's fat and old; I'm young and slim!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
For my sweet Maria
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-06-23 18:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem with me. I appreciate the vivid imagery and the use of rhyme in your writing. However, I would like to offer some feedback that may help you improve your poem.
Firstly, I noticed that the poem seems to be about a person who is infatuated with someone who does not reciprocate their feelings. This is a common theme in poetry, but I suggest that you try to add some originality to your writing. Perhaps you could explore the character's emotions in more depth or add some unexpected twists to the plot.
Secondly, I noticed that the poem contains some negative stereotypes about the character's older brother, who is described as "brainless" and "obtuse." This kind of language can be hurtful and offensive, so I suggest that you try to avoid using derogatory terms in your writing.
Finally, I suggest that you pay attention to the rhythm and flow of your poem. While the use of rhyme is effective, some of
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Sun, 2023-07-09 12:33
Sweet Maria
Hello!
Knowing your other work so well, I suspect this is poetic humor and not a real, intentional dig at anyone's older brother, as AI is concerned. Ha! :) Very original, and a bit on the funny wild side for you! As most of your work is wonderfully romantic and almost Shakespearean, it's nice to see some lighter work.
L