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Jul 10, 2026
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Surface Tension
Hands reach between the gap separating the Surface from the Pit.
Vague firelight casting lithe fingers aglow.
Knuckles knobbed with tension, nails chipped and inflamed.
From up here, I sit and stare at my mistakes.
Grass a cushion as I ponder the hands I used to know.
Cliff a firm foundation, unwilling to crumble beneath my weight.
From down there, yellowed teeth gnash.
Chewing my name to shreds that I won't join them below.
Agony coloring their human faces purple with unmet angst.
My ears imagine what I am too distant to hear.
The only convergence between this gap is my remorse and their reproach.
Knuckles knobbed with tension, nails chipped and inflamed.
Down their throats, a ceaseless decree of my mistakes.
Cliff a firm foundation, unwilling to agree despite my weight.
Grass a cushion as I ponder those hands I used to know.
— Asa B., Jul 10, 2026
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About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Critiques
Lavender
5 days 12 hours ago
Surface Tension
Hello, Asa,
I can't interpret the entire theme of the poem, but I do feel the disconnect and the stress - strong language throughout.
I'll return after your response.
Thank you!
L
Asa B.
5 days 9 hours ago
I appreciate..
I appreciate knowing your takeaway; if it is okay, I have messaged you a more in-depth description behind this piece to offer more context. Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts
Lavender
5 days 7 hours ago
Hello, Asa,
Thank you!
L
Nathan G
5 days 9 hours ago
This is an interesting take…
This is an interesting take on what I believe is the chasm between heaven and hell. If I'm right, then hell is not merely a place of torment in this poem; it holds the accusations against the speaker in heaven. But, upheld by a firm cliff, the speaker is not close enough to hear the accusations of the tormented. Am I close?
If this were my poem (and it isn't), I think an interesting place to explore would be the accusations themselves. Are they true? The speaker indicates remorse, but nothing beyond that.
Asa B.
5 days 9 hours ago
Very close
To briefly clarify, it is not quite heaven, rather the poet still remains in the land of the living: metaphorically focused on the people they've made mistakes with, and feeling partly responsible for their perceived damnation. You are correct that they are not close enough to hear the accusations, and are instead implanting what they believe to be accused of. The Cliff refers to God, being the firm foundation that the poet feels they don't deserve.
I left the accusations themselves vague—some readers may resonate with this piece and have their own interpretations on what those accusations could be based on their own experiences (and their own guilts they may harbor) I wanted to leave that interpretation for the reader.
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