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Grandparents raising another generation
They thought their tour of duty over
Instead they roll up their sleeves and open tired eyes
And dig deep to keep the seeds safe and watered
It’s 9 pm - kids, do you know where your parents at?
Who’s putting the young ones to bed, keeping house and n’at?

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Supervised" effectively captures the essence of grandparents stepping into the role of parents for another generation. The use of military metaphor in "tour of duty" is a powerful way to convey the sense of duty and responsibility that grandparents feel in this situation.

However, the transition from the fourth to the fifth line could be smoother. The sudden shift from the metaphorical language about "seeds" to the direct question about the parents' whereabouts might be jarring for some readers. Consider maintaining the metaphorical language throughout the poem to create a more cohesive piece.

The use of colloquial language in "n’at" adds a touch of authenticity and regional flavor to the poem. However, it's important to ensure that such language does not alienate readers who are unfamiliar with the term. Perhaps, a glossary or footnote could be added to explain this term to those who might not understand it.

The poem could also benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. While free verse can be effective, the irregular rhythm in this poem can make it difficult for the reader to follow. Consider revising the lines to create a more consistent rhythm, which could enhance the overall flow and readability of the poem.

Lastly, the poem could delve deeper into the emotional aspects of the situation. While the poem does a good job of describing the grandparents' actions and responsibilities, it could also explore their feelings and thoughts. This could add another layer of depth and complexity to the poem, making it more engaging and relatable for the reader.

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Greetings! Welcome to Neopoet!
Much to like in this brief poem. The title brought me in, and set the theme of the poem very well. Hmm... were you going for a rhyming piece? I like the way it all flows, but the last two lines seem to struggle a bit and change the feeling of the poem. The "at" (which is not proper grammar) and "n'at" distracted me from the language style of the rest of the poem. It almost feels like a different voice speaking the final two lines. I'll be back after your response.
Eager to read more of your work.
Thank you so much!

I hope you can find camaraderie. I don't usually comment on unstructured work, but I'll offer this hello.
Perhaps you meant to write

"It’s 9 pm - kids, do you know where your parents r'at?
Who’s putting the young ones to bed, keeping house n’at?

the word "and" I think was unnecessary and the "r'at" will tie those lines together. Cheers!


. like my lost dreams...the flood

I agree with L. and T. but was does n'at mean. I'm old school, when we did not use abbreviations in poetry. I will read more of your work.

*respects, Cat

When someone reads your work
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Maybe some of the parents are working odd shifts so they can support their kids and the grandparents have stepped in to assist as the cost of childcare around the world is astronomical? Grandparent involvement in a child's life is priceless and very special. For those who aren't doing what they should, there are many who are so their kids can have what they need and deserve. It is a comfort to know that family is there for them rather than being taken care of by strangers or the system.


“N’at” is part of the famous Pittsburghese - and an expression used throughout western Pa. Used in a sense like etc. like encompassing everything. Kind of giving a voice to the subject of the poem.

Thank you for all the kind criticism. I wrote this at least a few years ago and I want to tighten up the rhythm and rhyme a little more. I might use the couplet with “n’at” like a chorus or hook.

author comment

Wow, thank you for the explanation. I never heard that word before! ;)

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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