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Stars
<p>I look up in the dark, and what do I see?
A million winking stars smiling at me.
Each one is different; they all have their own names.
Unique and ablaze, they are not all the same.
Every star stands out in the void of the night.
They dazzle the eyes, with shimmering light.
When the young and old come to hear their advice
They tell an intimate story of their own paradise.
And all beings come to hear the legend of a star;
A tale of a sun smiling from afar.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-07-02 05:29
dear poet,
I see that you are new here and I would like to welcome you to Neopoet. it is very nice to meet you! if you should need any help in finding your way around, or have any questions, please ask me. I will do my best to help, if I cannot answer your questions, I will find someone who can.
I like the premise of your poem. it reminds me of being outside, laying on my back, looking up at the sky. seeing the moon and all those amazing stars in constellations!my favorite lines are:
And all beings come to hear the legend of a star;
A tale of a sun smiling from afar.
I would like to read more of your work, I am looking forward to doing so.keep on writing!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
fluffykona10
Sat, 2022-07-02 14:28
Thanks!
Oops, this was an accident.
author commentfluffykona10
Sat, 2022-07-02 14:21
Thanks!
Dear Cat,
I just want to say thank you for your compliments. One of the things I pride myself on is the rhythm of my poems, so it really means a lot to hear that you liked it. I think stars have been here so long that there's really a lot to learn from them. Sometimes it's important to calm your mind and hear the legend of a star.
Thanks,
River
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Sat, 2022-07-02 05:56
Welcome
As Cat says, welcome. I hope you’ll share more work in the future. This is great work. Reads easily, good meter and rhyme. It’s a well crafted poem and something to be proud of. I often write about the stars I think the connections between humans and stars are very profound. We are after all the material from exploding stars. Keep writing, this is a pleasure to read.
Tim
fluffykona10
Sat, 2022-07-02 14:27
Thanks!
Dear Tim,
It really means a lot to have someone read my work and have such positive feedback. I'm glad you write about stars because I believe the stars have great mysteries concealed in their flame, and it's a poet's job to tap into the power of the stars.
Thanks for responding,
River
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