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TO STALK TIME

I shuffle through the autumn world
with uneven gait on ruined knee,
acorns falling, nearly hurled
by acrobatic squirrels at me.

Almost as if I welcome pain
returning here to hunt each fall
yet suffering is worth the gain
although the margin's growing small.

You see, I say that I come here
each year when cool winds stain the leaves
to hunt elusive whitetail deer.
But my prey is really memories.

Memories of days gone by,
of trips with others passed away,
of strong strides beneath a chill clear sky,
of gold cloaked limbs which dip and sway.

Each step transports me to the past
and farther from the present truth,
to days which flickered by far too fast.
Each step returns me to lost youth.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

tiny stumbles in the rhythm, but then, the whole of it strode right along.
I like the symbolism of the title.
Your language use is plain but easy to feel. I like that most of all about your work.
Whenever I read one of your poems, I always feel like I could be right there beside you.
I guess that means that I like your themes!
And as ever, your work shows logical steps to a heartfelt conclusion.

~ Gee

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Wouldn't mind if you'd point out the rhythm stumbles as I am fully aware that rhythm is one of my main weaknesses. But I'm pleased that you liked this overall and appreciate your visit...........stan

author comment

A walk on the memory side again, mind you they say that you are getting old when you keep reminiscing about the past lol.
I think you would fare better if you strolled within your minds memories, here inside you can make additions without the pain in the knees or the odd stumble off the old paths.
You can glide with your friends
and memories
just by sitting in your rocking chair
and closing up those eyes lol
Take care young man, the world is getting bigger, can you remember when a child that all the distances to and from places were very long and later as we grew they shrank into a sort of reality, but now those distances seem to have grown to that child's eye reality..
Would make a lovely poem. The three ages of distance lol.
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I guess I'll continue to walk forests as long as I'm able. As to how distances are relative to age, I know exactly what you mean lol. Weight of a bagged deer also varies. When first seen and shot most deer are about 250 pounds. then when approached on ground they often shrink to 90 pounds. They then gain weight in direct proportion to distance dragged to truck until they often become 300 pound stags. Then they undergo a final shrinkage to about 140 pounds on the way to the check station lol.........................stan

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