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Stairway to the heavens
I brushed past a spirit on my way down the stairs
and on the back of my neck to, their " bristly ends", stood those hairs
I pondered there in fright with some measured apprehension
To this lost soul's final journey, a fiery decent or blessed ascension.
And I realised but there in an instant be it pig farmer or ballet
By the scent in this breezeway of a sweet, scented bouquet
As I turned and looked upward a floating orb there appeared
and l knew she was homeward bound, a life's path faithfully steered.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-05-08 10:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses imagery to create a vivid, supernatural scene. However, there are areas where the clarity and rhythm could be improved.
In the second line, the phrase "to, their 'bristly ends', stood those hairs" is somewhat confusing. It may be more effective to rephrase this for clarity, perhaps as "to their 'bristly ends', my hairs stood".
The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For instance, the first and second lines rhyme (stairs/hairs), but the third and fourth do not (apprehension/ascension). Consistent rhyme can help to create a more rhythmic, musical quality in the poem.
The phrase "be it pig farmer or ballet" in the fifth line is a bit unclear. If this is meant to represent a range of possible life paths, it might be more effective to use more universally recognizable examples.
The final line, "a life's path faithfully steered", is a strong ending. It effectively conveys the idea of a life well-lived and a peaceful journey to the afterlife. However, the phrase "she was homeward bound" in the line before is a bit cliché. Consider revising this phrase to something more unique and evocative.
Overall, the poem has a strong concept and effective imagery, but could benefit from more consistent rhyme and clearer phrasing.
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