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Somebody is missing
Lost in the jungle.....
A drum roll
Beat display
Far from the grey sky
Of a thunderstorm
like a roaring lion
With God’s clapping hands
Bursting up
With the raindrop
Casting down to
filling the thirst quest
With a fresh dew
Of taste sip
Trap in
the jungle
Lost without
any direction
Heart race a mile
Without any trace
Desperate like drowning
in the deep ocean
Only echoes of a voice
Is the only companion
Shivering in the cold
Frozen like an ice
Chill has aching the fragile bones
Hunger consumes the body
Adding to the excruciating pain
To the deeply scarred wound
like a sensational burning flame into the skin
feeling devastated like a prisoner
being detained in a loneliness
filled with helplessness
that comes to face with
the verge of death
to say farewell in the
last word
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-08-19 19:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Somebody is missing" effectively uses vivid and evocative imagery to convey a sense of loss, despair, and isolation. The use of metaphors such as "like a roaring lion" and "like a sensational burning flame into the skin" add a layer of intensity to the emotions being expressed.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The irregular line lengths and inconsistent rhythm can make the poem feel disjointed and may disrupt the reader's flow.
Additionally, the poem could utilize more concrete details to ground the abstract feelings of loss and despair. While the metaphors and similes are impactful, the addition of specific, tangible details can help the reader connect more deeply with the poem's themes.
Lastly, the poem's structure could be refined to enhance its overall impact. The poem seems to be one long stanza, which can be overwhelming for the reader. Breaking it up into smaller stanzas could help guide the reader through the poem and make it easier to digest.
In terms of language, the poem occasionally uses awkward phrasing, such as "filling the thirst quest" and "Chill has aching the fragile bones". Revising these lines for clarity and grammatical accuracy could improve the poem's readability.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys strong emotions through its use of vivid imagery and metaphor. With some refinement in rhythm, detail, structure, and language, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Sat, 2023-08-19 15:22
I like this one...
I got the feel of being lost right away.
I felt the panic, the racing heart, and the feel of the heavy air.
My only reservation with this piece, is sometimes the language seems a bit off,
and the next line doesn't relate to the next start of line.
"Only echoes of a voice
Is the only companion"
"Chill has aching the fragile bones"
~ Geezer.
.
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Triskelion
Sat, 2023-08-19 18:15
...many powerful
...language and imagery in this one. The threatening storm seem to subside with rain, then reminding danger still exist until perilous end. A bittersweet loss of someone alone. Good fortune to you.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood