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A Smile

Time to speak honestly.
I finally feel alive,
no need for an apology.

Yeah, I flirted with rejection,
stuck at the red light
of self doubt’s intersection.

Confidence was in my attic.
Happiness was hostage,
life was quite chaotic.

Happiness felt so thin,
every night tears
and another Klonopin.

Surviving was my objective.
Then came you, darling.
A smile, quite effective.

Yeah, I had a pulse, but that's it.
You broke denial’s heart.
Now I’m me, how can I quit?

Passion picked up my pen
as your pretty eyes
erased my way back then.

My demons intoxicated
as my broken soul
was somehow elevated.

Yeah, dreams come true.
All I needed, darling,
was to meet you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Paul,
I do believe this is your first piece I've read since I joined last spring...and I am smiling. Your first stanza is so open, revealing and earnest. Actually, I think that stanza feels more like a cheerful grin for me. The poem travels through all the emotions of your survival time in a raw, direct manner, and then we feel the great appreciation for that simple, tender smile. Makes me happy...
Thank you!
L

I agree about the erased line being a bit unclear as to meaning. As to the rest I think it is well written and the rhyme is unobtrusive.

a sort of window to the soul of a someone who has found redemption through the love of another. You have written well and made clear that the transformation is due to this love. I agree that the line of "erased my way back then" as being a little murky, but cannot suggest how to improve it, other than to maybe add a comma to it, like so: "erased, my way back then".
I think that it may give it the pause that will give it a bit of depth. ~ Gee.
.

My chatroom is taking a break
if you have ideas about times that
are convenient and subjects
to talk about, contact me and we can discuss it
Thank you for your participation.
.

all other normal poets want to know
whether they have been read at all
Those who have comments know

Please examine
the guys Blog Frustrated in a few days only
and others approach to justify to him

Please apply your mind .
This is a different kind of site
Guys ought to know it Paul
before enrolling
interview as many

is something I have attempted many times, but never succeeded in. The words you use at the end of 1st and 3rd lines in your stanzas are almost all quite complex (not simple/easy rhymers like 'be' or 'I') which gives your whole poem a whole other level of excellence. The ideas expressed are beautiful.
However, the flow is rather absent (or my brain just can't comprehend this style which is more than possible XD). There are places where the transitions between your lines are so sudden, it's less like walking through a doorway and more like jumping a fence (mentally). Specifically the transitions between the second and last lines in stanzas 3, 5 and 9. Stanzas where you succeeded very well are 2, 4, 7 and 8, so perhaps applying similar sentence-structure from these to the ones that are more stiff might help.
But it's all the poet's choice. ;)

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

Yep that'll get ya where ya want to go. That and money ahahaha
Good poem, Paul,
Later,
Mark

THE MARK
Please comment anywhere anytime.

She smiled for just a while
I'd smile for you
all your while
ha don't take me seriously
its smile only

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