Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Secrets
Makeshift walls
Built around the concrete slabs of my mind
Hands tied by hope
Choking on all the lies
Mother said it was for the best
If we don't talk about her; she didn't exist
Brother stayed their favorite; everyone loved him so
If they only knew what I know....
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-08-20 10:06
dear Carrie,
secrets indeed! and the reason they remain hushed up is deplorable! why are we not allowed to speak these truths?
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Sat, 2022-08-20 10:29
Hi Cat
You would think after having a wonderful upbringing with two parents who love me very much, I would not have any difficult feelings towards the one who gave me up and how she hid me and my one brother tried to keep me hidden. All because of secrets. Secrets destroy no matter how old you are or how you were raised. :(
~RoseBlack~
Depressed 1
Sat, 2022-08-20 11:55
Good Write
I really liked this one. Secrets hurt hundreds of times more than the truth.
https://www.artofelpaso.com/
RoseBlack
Sat, 2022-08-20 11:58
Absolutely
And to find out that you are one of the biggest secrets of all is absolutely mind blowing.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Sat, 2022-08-20 20:18
What makes this better...
is that I know the story! I am impressed with what you did in only eight lines!
Very nice, this may be my all-time favorite of yours! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Sun, 2022-08-21 13:21
Thanks Gee!
For the high praise. I am starting to learn that less is more :)
~RoseBlack~
Jackweb
Sun, 2022-08-21 10:43
Excellent !
My favourite lines:
Makeshift walls
Built around the concrete slabs of my mind
Hands tied by hope
Choking on all the lies
Very beautiful! With the splendor of creativity.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
RoseBlack
Sun, 2022-08-21 13:22
Thanks Jack
Glad you enjoyed
~RoseBlack~