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The Seasons

We ride the earth around the sun,
A journey we all share
As winter comes I think about,
the end of another year.

A new beginning beckons,
Look forward tho' you fear.
Spring is like a flower which,
Blooms to bring another year.

In the fullness of this journey
That brings us all so near,
Summer is the apex.
Applaud another year.

Autumn is the season
When dreams become as one.
Rise up and let us dance,
In the last rays of the sun.

And so complete the circle
We always persevere,
The Seasons ever come and go,
Marking out another year.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I wrote this after painting a winter scene at sunset. I guess I just had the ending of the year in mind.
Editing stage: 


Hi, thanks for the comment - I missed the reply button and have commented already.

I know I can edit the original but as I have made such major changes based on your comment, I thought I would re-post here - I hope that is OK.

The Seasons (edited December 2nd 2013)

We ride the earth around the sun,
A journey we all share
As winter comes I think about,
the ending of the year.

The year begins again, anew.
Look forward through your fear.
Spring arrives with Flowers so bright,
Proclaiming one more year.

In the fullness of this cycle
challenging thoughts so dear
Summer so brief Must take the crown.
Let’s applaud another year.

In Autumn mists Our dreams take shape.
Memories so unclear
Rise up and let us sing and dance,
celebrate another year

And so will end the yearly round
We know will persevere,
The Seasons ever come and go,
Marking out another year.

author comment

As Eph says welcome to Neo, we are having a lot more people join of late and this is a great place to be.
Your poem is straightforward and as a base for later works is fine, just have a look at what others write and read some of the comments they receive, this will give you an idea as to other ways of writing and themes.
To learn the correct forms of poetry we have many workshops during the year that are very good, so just up and experiment with your ways.
Have a great time here, Yours just up the road, Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Hi Ian, thanks for the welcome and I have already spent a little time reading and digesting. I often find that I write when I am doing nothing else, often waiting around or relaxing; this is probably why my subjects are so bland thinking about it. I write about what I see. For instance over the past year I have written about the weather on several occasions and this poem sort of drew that "series" to an end.

I tend not to look for "excitiing" or "controversial" simply because of the way I have spent time writing; a very passive pastime for me. Maybe that's what I need to change and be more active, even proactive.

Start to kick at the world, rather than accepting and reporting. An interesting thought, and something to chew on.

I hope that I will be able to join in and grab all the benefits from this experience.

author comment

Hi Eph (?), Thanks for the welcome

One of my isues is that I believe that I do write "nice" poetry. Not because I want, to but because I simply do not know how to do anything else. So I am not offended by your remark.

As to technical issues, well I do read a lot and I do understand what I read but never actually use the technical structures when writing. Mostly I write by speaking the words. I started by writing song lyrics when I was a youngster. I had my first guitar when I was about 12/13 and I am now retired. I always thought of my lyrics as poetical and graduated to what I thought was real poetry a few years ago. Because of this rythm has always been a strong point for me. Maybe I tend to read the lyrics as if singing which helps me to find a rythm in the lines.

I am not sure exactly where the problem is but after reading and rereading a number of times, I realise that respective lines in the stanzas do not all have the same emphasis on the same syllables. I have edited it in my head and tried to constrain the lines to a standard structure. I now need to write it out and compare. I think it is indeed going to sound better.

A pity it won't grab those testicles though!

Thanks for making me look again at this poem.

As an aside I have started recording my poetry recently, and posting to; listening to this poem I now hear one or two awkard moments where I am halting and letting the rhyme catch-up.

author comment

also poetic interest as mine
I am also
learning if you read some
as I ride upon the wave of twilight
best here is
You too may like it


how come your writing as Billy Pringle is so different to that of Artyfax? What are you trying to prove?

I am presently reviewing all commentary having to do with this dispute...............stan

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