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Rob Another Score or Store...

Rob Another Score or Store…

In dalliance park they make the deal,
impure white powder for stolen cash.
They’re just part of a revolving wheel,
this shit happens when you're only trash.

Into a needle then a wanton blue vein,
charging through to hearts and minds.
In seconds he’s laughing at his pain,
a dead man with simplicity unwinds.

A score to settle or a score to make,
dealers soon start to rule the streets.
Men we call evil always on the take,
puppet master's careful who he meets.

On lordly high the money kings also relax,
champagne or women what a lovely bash.
Even evil’s good when they blur the facts,
clean or dirty monies added to they’re stash.

Avoiding frenzied streets as father had before,
leaving lieutenants to do the horrid dirty work.
Waiting to extract a best price from all the gore,
ones duty is something one must never shirk.

A child cries her mother dying by her side,
doctors stand there checking her credit card.
If numbers don’t ad up she’ll be pushed aside,
who gives a shit if these girls have it hard.

Vicars breaking bread as council leaders make tea
argueing politics, remembering their on a clock.
Someone’s got to pay the price nothing is for free,
none of them got here worrying about the flock.

And so we learn no one cares or follows rules,
or dealing in commodities will sometimes pay.
Always one must remember the laws for fools,
as is earning from other's sufferings an easy way.

Back on the streets the cops protect the hood,
they’ll take gun or stick to those who disagree.
These guys aren’t just working for their brood,
as it says in your gods book what must be must be.

A store gets robbed for the price of a fix,
another life surely goes straight to hell.
Isn’t it simply a case of living economics,
money goes round when they ring that bell.

Dog eats dog but big dog has many who will bite,
fools believe in a god to find a better way than this.
Don’t they know it’s time to get up and bloody fight,
if not, it's the rich politicians arse we'll have to kiss.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Says it all really...
Editing stage: 

Comments

somoothing the rhythm however would make an easier read
enjoyed the read.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you i've done a little work on this as Jess had advised, and will return again as i believe your right about smoothing it out. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

I feel it's a bit stretched for rhyme at times, perhaps adherence to form is not quite so appropriate to the content here, you could maybe loosen up a bit, though I hesitate to offer concrete suggestions.

The grammar nazi in me simply can't ignore-
this shit happens when your only trash.[you're]
puppet masters careful who he meets.[master's]
argueing politics, remembering their on a clock.[they're]
An so we learn no one cares or follows rules, [and]
or dealing in commodities will sometimes pay.[perhaps always rather than sometimes, just a suggestion]
as is earning from others sufferings an easy way. [other's]
if not then on us the rich politician will always piss. [despite the need to rhyme I don't like the inversion]
the rich politician will always piss on us .

Just some thoughts, love the piece, the passion, the truth. Hope this helps a bit.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Grammar but what intense imagery to describe that scene

Thanking both you and Jess here, as i can't click on Jess's comments because there is no reply spot. I have corrected grammer and changed the ending, but as i said above i will return when i have thought some more about this poem. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

A grand rant and Jess has given the corrections a good run,
The theme is excellent and right up to date, it is such a pity we cannot cure the cause, then the result would be so much better..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you Ian, we have the cure but there's to much corruption and lack of will to use it. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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