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Road Less Traveled

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Sat, 2023-01-14 00:33

You look at all those around you
And think "I want to be like that"
Well, I'm here to let you know
You need to cut yourself some slack

Being different isn't a bad thing
Do you think legends are the same?
You can't just "follow the crowd"
Not if you want them to know your name

When you feel overlooked and mistreated
Just keep living your life your own way
When you are made fun of and excluded
I want you to know, they'll regret that one day

When your heart breaks and completely shatters
When your world feels like it's coming unraveled
Just take a deep breath and keep being you
Champions always take the Road Less Traveled

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Sat, 2023-01-14 05:09

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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It’s got good pace and the language is affirmative.

I think this line is a little clunky

Just remember, they'll regret that one day

It seems a syllable or two short for the pattern you’ve established. Obviously we can do whatever we want because we are writers and as such are superhuman. Play around with that because it’s a speed bump. The flow is otherwise really smooth

Tim

Shelby Pryor

Sat, 2023-01-14 11:22

Shelby Pryor's picture

Thank you for the words of advice. I changed that line up a bit, I hope it sounds better. Thank you so much for the comment, I really appreciate it!

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