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Rhythm Band
stoic sticks click (rest) clack
wild tambourines throw a festive party
while those prim and proper triangles
those dangling works of art
hold their noses high
shoulders at a rest
waiting for the hush
the silence of the rhythm band, and then
with almost no effort at all, they declare
ping!
the song is over
***
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2022-12-15 03:42
Dear Lavender
Well descriptive piece. Though I'm not sure what inspired this, it seems like a concert of kind was attended and I got the feeling that it was enjoyable for everyone, and me too as I read.
Always pleases me to read your words dear.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Lavender
Thu, 2022-12-15 08:44
Hello, Rula,
You are so kind. My first error with this poem was to assume that the reader knew what a rhythm band was, and could relate to some similar experience in their own childhood. I was in first or second grade -six or seven years old, and we performed a concert for our parents. It was a massive struggle getting through it, and that memory brought about this poem. It needs some work! I always appreciate your help in reading and commenting!
Thank you!
L
author commentRula
Thu, 2022-12-15 09:39
Hello Lavender
It might be only me as different cultures have different experiences, but it wasn't very difficult to guess that it is a musical party.
Thank you for the clarification anyways
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Lavender
Thu, 2022-12-15 08:52
Hello, Alan,
This one needs to be rescued, and I appreciate your generous suggestions. I'll pull it in and trim off the extra weight. Thank you for your time and help here! I'm very grateful!
L
Ping! :)
author commentlovedly
Fri, 2022-12-16 05:40
I too recall my school kids band
when the music flopped
Miss Lady Frown
hit me with her ruler
for no fault of mine
I was not yet nine..
Now while resting in the dungeons of
no poetry
just lemme
enjoy your
ping
ding dong ding!
then hear me sing
Lavender
Fri, 2022-12-16 10:14
Hello, Lovedly,
I'm glad you could relate to this poem, but so sorry for the negative memory that surfaced!
Take care!
Lav
author commentlovedly
Fri, 2022-12-16 10:56
to enjoy rain
nature provided the sun.....
life is a conglomeration of sadness
intermingled with happiness
more sun than rain
else twill be a pain
Rula
Fri, 2022-12-16 10:56
Love this version
much better dear Lavender. It's compacted and right to the point without losing the details.
I thought the last line would read smoother as :
[now] the song is over.
But that obviously so minor thing . It's great as is
Nice memory.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Lavender
Fri, 2022-12-16 13:56
Hello, Rula!
Wonderful suggestion which I am grateful to use! Thank you for your help!
L
author commentRula
Fri, 2022-12-16 14:38
You are
the most welcome my dear wonderful friend.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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